He said he is just being "REALISTIC"
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He said he is just being "REALISTIC"
| Mon, 09-24-2007 - 10:33pm |
I've been into two yr relationship and wanted to get married and get pregnant at my age 36.
| Mon, 09-24-2007 - 10:33pm |
I've been into two yr relationship and wanted to get married and get pregnant at my age 36.
As a woman who's been a 'stay at home mum' for years and has enjoyed total support from my husband, I find your boyfriend's attitude hard to fathom.
I come from a very affluent family where my father worked and my mother was lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom. It was great to have her around to pick me up from school, take care of me at home if I was sick, et cetera
But after being a mom at home for three kids she became so frustrated with herself. Before she had me she was a computer engineer who broke a lot of ground in her field for her gender. She was a very accomplished woman and while being a full-time mom is an accomplishment, she lost sight of who she was as an INDIVIDUAL and not just a relation to someone else. When I was a teenager and my youngest brother was in elementary school was when I saw her at her worst. She wasn't a bad person, but it was obvious that she didn't like herself very much and she had lost all sight of independence.
Now that her kids are grown, she went back to school for her second master's degree and has an important position working in a prestigious national laboratory. Of course there are some days when she comes home and complains about her job but she has met so many new people and has so many personal accomplishments that the improvement in her personality and behavior is really astounding.
Being a stay at home mom has its advantages for sure. But you can't make this decision on your own; if your husband wants you to help with financial contribution then you should not pin all of the bacon-fetching on him. Can you consider a part-time job or something on weekends/nights? You will feel really good about yourself individually if you stay in the working world - at least part time - while your kids are growing up. If your husband supported your desire to be a stay at home mom then I'd say "all power to you" but I think his opinion matters greatly.
Welcome to the board marielle2005,
I can understand your bf thinking about these things and wanting to make sure finances are taken into consideration. But that is probably because I am very weird about my money. I started saving years ago in preparation for having children. I have even gone as far as the figure out how much I can save in the nine months that I am pregnant so I can stay at home for 6 months or so after having the baby. I have saved a good chuck of money for this. I think I am like this because my parents never had any money growing up and I want to be the opposite of that. Anyways, I can understand your bf's concern.
I agree with aisha that you should talk to your bf about what each of you has in mind regarding child, working again, etc.
glitter-graphics.com
I feel upset with his decision.
If having a family soon is really important to you, than I wouldn't wait that long (maybe 6 months). I can understand him being concerned about money, but I can't understand him using that as the only reason to not move the relationship forward.
glitter-graphics.com
Well, it sounds as though he is afraid of having another child right now, as if he doesn't want to be the sole supporter of the child. Did you know this about him? You are 36 and don't exactly have lots of time to get yourself established financially. He should try to understand this. If he agrees to have a child now, can you agree to also work in the future so that both of you will share costs? Does this suit you? If so, tell him. If he still doesn't want to have a child, and you do, then it's makes more sense for you to realize that you'll need to find someone else if you want a family.
Best wishes,
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I got hurt so much,understanding everything and he told me that I'm only thinking about myself when I've waited and wasted my time with him for two years.
Marielle, I know you're aware that there are no guarantees in life, but the more you post, the more obvious it becomes to me that this man is not planning to have children with you. From that point of view, yes, you have wasted two years of your reproductive life with him.
His financial concern is bogus--if he loved you and wanted a family with you, he would be figuring out a way to make it work, not putting it all back on you to become "established." The phrase that gives away his determination to have his way is "It's all about you." At this point, yes it is. You're 36 years old; every year from now on your chances of becoming pregnant diminish. Only you know how long you are going to give him before you stop trying to persuade him and just say, "Sorry this isn't important to you. It's VERY important to me. Good bye."
It's hard to let go but it's enough for me to know that it's a mojorities decision.