he said "he mite cheat on me"

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
he said "he mite cheat on me"
10
Thu, 09-30-2004 - 8:18pm
My boyfriend and i have just had our 1 year anniversary and YES i amm sooo HAPPY and i love him soo much and... i know that hee loves me alot... but the only thing is... there are some things that i always feel like i have never got over... our relationship is one of a kind... we have had tough times with my family accepting him.. and it ended up as us as a secret realtionship which we had to keep from my parents... and he is such a supportive boyfriend... but during this one point in time...(where we barely saw eachother and it was very hard to communicate with eachother...) about 6 months into our relationship... he said he needed to talk to me.... like i mean IM SOO mad at him for this.. like i still dont believe that it was even him and i really ahve a hard time getting over this SOO PLZ HELP ME! k wel neways... he told me that... "hes a guy... he has needs... and that... he gets horny .." or wutever n then hes like... so u want too stay with eachother accepting that "i mite cheat on you?" o do u want to break up... and i said... i wanted too stay with him even though he mite cheat on me... i mean... what does this mean... i could never get this out of my head...i mean... wasnt i enuff for him... what is he thinking in his head... does he have another girl in mind... does he realy love me... during our six months together... we have had the most amazing times togetheer n grew soo fond of eachother... though it was hard for us to be in such an odd situation with my parents... we always put that behind and enjoyed eachothers company n loved one another unconditionally... but wen he asked me this... i totally felll apart... i had like nothing to say and all i could doo was cry... but i didnt cry in front of him... i was too in shock to even like react... well neways... ive always had this in the back of my mind and it has always bothered me becuase i wanted to know what he was thinking when he said this and why he said it... i asked him bout it couple days ago and he said he didnt know why... and that he doesnt even remember why... n that i should forget bout it because he loves me n that hes stupid for even saying it... BUT i really wanna knowww why he said it... and i want a good reason... we've talked bout it lots but like i never seemed satisfied with the answers because he just gueesses why he could of... but i want to know why... plz help me.. why am i going crazy like this... i love him soo much and i just want too know how to solve this.. and i want to forget bout it... i know hes faithful to me n he totally is and always will be... i know that... but he was different person earlier in the relationship and i want to know why he said it... do u know any reason to why he may have said this... plz help meee forget this n forgive him so i can move on without remembering what he said to me and cry every nite wondering why ...

thanks

~Princessa

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 8:22am

Why didnt you confront him on this when he said it?/i dont beleive that you were in shock, or had to wait awhile to get mad about this all of a sudden. What he said was rude, inconsiderate and a cop out. Basically, he is saying that he doent value your relationship enough to remain faithful...even thru the rough times. What does this say about him? Well, it dont speak to highly of his character- thats for sure....By him saying that, I take it has his way of warning you that if there are more times like that, or basically anything a little rough, he'll bail. Or, he wonmt want to be held responsible for what he does. Either way, I wouldnt want to be with someone like that.


Good luck,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 12:03pm
The thing about men (young and old) is that the majority of them are pretty straight forward but for some reasom women don't just listen to the words they say. A man says what he means, and means what he says.

So your boyfriend told you he might cheat - you know what that means? it means he might cheat. Period. No hidden messages, nothing to think about. Most women would have dumped him because if he really cared about you, it wouldn't matter to him if you aren't able to see each other all the time, it wouldn't matter how horny he is, he would be faithful.

I would ditch this loser and find someone your family likes that way you can have a normal relationship and not have to hide it. Sometimes when your friends or family don't like a guy, they can see the guy for what he really is, which is a loser.

You say you have secretive relationship from your parents, right? aren't there plenty of times you can't be with your boyfriend since your parent don't know you 2 are together... what do you think he does while you 2 aren't together? do you think he just sits around waiting.... no, he is probably out there dating another girl or at least looking for another girl. You are way too young to put up with this!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 2:51pm
hey thanks for replying.. um well see the thing is... he said he mite of saif that to me to see if id stick with him thru nething... he has been cheated on b-4 n had a really hard time trusting me since like i had alot of close guy friends... and i know like for sure i know even though he did say that.. that he didnt cheat on me... i dont know why he said it... and he doesnt know why either.. well maybe he does.. but he jus doesnt wanna tell me cuz hes afraid of hurting me... cuz i no hes a totally different guy now then he was b-4... i dont have the heart to give him up now... i never have or dont think i ever will be able to let go of him... we are so happy now... its just that when i have those kinds of things from the past kinda bothering me... i always tend to bring them up and try n figure them out... i know its kind of stupid... but .. thats me.. i know i should of maybe brought it up b-4... i was actually in shock n like... hurt... n i just didn get mad bout it all of a sudden... it was just one of those things inside me that constantly kept bthering me.. so i hadta do sumthing bout it....

thanks for ur help...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 3:27pm
Okay, so he said "I might cheat on you" and then he said he MIGHT have said that to see if you'd stick with him through anything? He doesn't sound too sure about ANYTHING if you ask me...might might might. That's a load of BS. He knows exactally why he said it, and I think the posters that gave you advice know as well. It's because he was telling you that he's probably going to end up cheating on you, or maybe all ready did. How can you say you know for SURE that he hasn't before? Esp because, like another person said, your relationship is secret and you can't even see or talk to eachother for long periods of time. Listen, if married guys with a full time family and a full time job can find the time to cheat...then your guy probably can too. I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I'm pretty sure your family see's the REAL him and he even let you know what he was capible of (I might cheat on you) and then lied about it (uh i can't remember why I said that). It sounds like you'd be better off without him. I know you are upset and have every right to be, but you keep making excuses for him...trying to justify what he said to you. I'm sure you'll stay with him no matter what we say, and we'll still be here for you with advice when he does cheat on you.

Even though you probably ARE going to stay with him, let me just say that I'm sure you are a really great girl and deserve respect and trust and a guy that DOESN'T intend to cheat. You should want more for yourself because you deserve it.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 5:00pm
The saddest thing about your post IMO is that you'd choose to remain with a guy who would cheat on you. It's sad that you don't think you deserve better than that. And, in life, you get exactly what you accept for yourself. You've accepted for yourself a guy who may cheat on you. And, by staying with him even after he told you that, you've basically given him your permission to do so. Love isn't enough to develop and sustain a healthy, successful relationship. You need so much more. You need respect, maturity, self-sacrifice and emotional healthiness -- none of which are present in the relationship you have, I'm afraid. You say you know he loves you? Crikey! I guess my definition of love is different than yours. Everyone has good qualities. That doesn't mean they're the right person for you. Until the day you honestly believe you're better off alone than with someone like this, and make wiser choices accordingly, you won't be finding yourself happy in a relationship with him or anyone else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2003
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 7:30pm
Sounds like someone felt a little guilty and that was his way of confessing. Take my advice and get out NOW, before you get even more attached. Trust me, I found out the hard way, but there are two reasons a guy would say this...

1)He does not really love you and does not value your relationship enough to keep it in his pants. He may say he loves you, he may love spending time with you and seeing you. But he does not really love you, and he knows this.

2)Another reason a guy would say this is because you are not giving him what he wants sexually. This frustrates him and he thinks by threatening to cheat, you'll do what he wants. I can understand why you'd want to stay with this guy despite what he said, I the same thing. (You love him, you don't think he really would, you can't imagine not being with him.) BUT, don't do what I did and stay in the relationship, it hurts a whole lot worse the longer you hang on, and in the end you'll regret that you stayed with a guy like that.

Like I said this is something I learned the hard way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2004
Fri, 10-01-2004 - 7:33pm
hey... thanks so much for the adivce and yes i am going to stay with him... i know.. its stupid... thats just me... i dont think i can.... but i mean... all the people who replied to my post seemed to have really help me understand and make me less blind to the facts... maybe i will find courage to leave him one day... thanks so much take care

~Princessa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 2:06am
If you are going to stay with him even though you KNOW what he either did do, wants to do, or is GOING to do...that's up to you. But don't be surprised when he gets it on with some other girl, because you know it's coming.

And...I'm sorry but you might want to practice saying "You were right" to your family, because they care about you enough to know what's really going on. And if you think they don't know you are still seeing him, I'm pretty sure you are wrong. They aren't stupid. Just remember this: Is this guy worth getting hurt, getting cheated on, making you look like a fool and lie to everyone who REALLY loves you?


Edited 10/2/2004 2:08 am ET ET by lynmusic

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 3:27am
This is called tough love.---It's obvious that you are a very insecure and imature child. This is a shame. Your parents don't like him because they have been there and done that and they know a selfish bum when they see one. What's more then sad is that you are running the risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease from a kid that has probably already slept with someone else and is trying to make you feel guilty and "do it" to keep him. Do yourself a favor and RUN. There is a really great guy just waiting to go out with you but won't ask because your so involved with this looser. If you ask for respect you get it. If you crawl like a dog you'll be treated like one. Any one that doesn't show you respect is not worth your time and they block the way for the really good ones.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Sat, 10-02-2004 - 4:26pm
You have to decide if you can live with him or not, but I would dump this bonehead.

A relationship is about true love, faith, truth and being there for each other.

Someone who cheats (or might be cheating) is not ready for a serious relationship.