HE Said He Was Never Married, was he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
HE Said He Was Never Married, was he?
12
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 7:32pm
I was on the people search site on the internet and for the heck of it put my boyfriends name in... his EX girlfriend and sons name came up and she had HIS last name. We have been going out for four years and he told me he never married her or anyone else for that matter. He is ten years older than; 45, he never married his sons mother. I dont know whether or not since they lived together for five years she just took his name for the childs sake but HOW can you do that? IS it legal? NY does not have common law rights... i thought maybe that could have been a possibility,,, should i be totally flipping out now.. OR could there be a mistake somewhere.. but the shocking thing is that she has been newly married for about ten years ago and her new married name is there, maiden name and the last name of my boyfriend... too it added more shock to me to see the sons name which screamed FAMILY! What should i do? He has emphatically said he hasnt been married and one of his closest friends told me he never did right by his sons mother SO, was he lying to everyone.. he went so far my bf to say that her mother was pressuring them to get married but they never did... i dont have the money to pay for an investigator and have tried to do free public searches but tht is a joke too because you do have to pay something.. i am not paying over the internet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 10:00pm

My defacto partner and I aren't married, however, I have legally changed my family name to be the same as his.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 10:08pm

THere are sevral issues here.


1)' I was on the people search site on the internet and for the heck of it put my boyfriends name in...'


Really? Just the heck of it or did you suspect something? Is there

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 10:33pm

My point is that i was told he was never married and was shocked to see her name his sons name along with him as IF they were married, that was my point. He told me that he never was married because he couldnt stand her.,. so my question to the site was could someone use the persons name they are living with even though they are technically not legally married? I know they owned a condo together and a car, and again he did live with her five years. NO i have nothing to feel about her.. i have had problems with him and knows he loves me but our problems have been around his immaturity and selfishness in areas. He has a bad temper and is compulsive about things but there are obvious things i do love about him.. we have been together for four years. He says we will get married but HE never initiated the talk i did... anyway the talk is coming as far as how we would do it/ we are both not financially secure and he is ten

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 11:10pm

Welcome to the board katherinez2006,


You've already gotten good input, I just wanted to say: It all boils down to 'do you believe him or don't you?'

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 11:49pm
Also, how can someone be sure that the information on the people search site is correct? Do you know where they get the information from?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 12:04am

Thank you for your note. She is remarried for the past ten or twelve years but my question was that on the site it listed her maiden name then my bf last name then her newly married name which i know and do know her maiden

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 12:57am

It's me again, the one who had their family name legally changed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 5:26am

Hi, Katherine! I didn't realize you also had this thread when I replied to the other one--it's a good idea to keep all your posts about a subject in the same thread.

However-- I'm surprised that my fellow posters see this as a trust issue. I see it as a legal one: Was he married before, and if so, is he now divorced? Until you have clarification of that issue, you CANNOT marry him (and maybe she shouldn't have remarried, either). All his bluster and anger--per your other thread--does not mean he's telling the truth, but it doesn't mean he's lying, either. He's just muddying the water, and I am curious why he's doing that. These are simple questions, and you're entitled to simple, straightforward answers.

You might want to consider how truthful he is with you when he says that he lived with her for five years, but didn't marry her because he couldn't stand her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 12:34pm

'could someone use the persons name they are living with even though they are technically not legally married?'


Yes,I thought I answered this before. They can go by that name without changing it legally or go to DMV to have it changed to anything they want.


'his immaturity and selfishness in areas. He has a bad temper and is compulsive about things'


'feeling like i am the total doer and he is along for the ride kind of deal.'


'he freaked out at me that how dare i not believe he was sick and not to use my gf cell phone to call in..'


Are you really happy? Maybe that is the larger issue here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-10-2007
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 1:58pm

Hi katherinez2006,


I have been on my county's website and on SOME counties websites there is a way for you to view marriages.

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