HE Said He Was Never Married, was he?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
HE Said He Was Never Married, was he?
12
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 7:32pm
I was on the people search site on the internet and for the heck of it put my boyfriends name in... his EX girlfriend and sons name came up and she had HIS last name. We have been going out for four years and he told me he never married her or anyone else for that matter. He is ten years older than; 45, he never married his sons mother. I dont know whether or not since they lived together for five years she just took his name for the childs sake but HOW can you do that? IS it legal? NY does not have common law rights... i thought maybe that could have been a possibility,,, should i be totally flipping out now.. OR could there be a mistake somewhere.. but the shocking thing is that she has been newly married for about ten years ago and her new married name is there, maiden name and the last name of my boyfriend... too it added more shock to me to see the sons name which screamed FAMILY! What should i do? He has emphatically said he hasnt been married and one of his closest friends told me he never did right by his sons mother SO, was he lying to everyone.. he went so far my bf to say that her mother was pressuring them to get married but they never did... i dont have the money to pay for an investigator and have tried to do free public searches but tht is a joke too because you do have to pay something.. i am not paying over the internet.

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Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 4:20pm

All of this happened such a long time ago and if you are happy together now, why make such a big deal about this? It's possible she took his name so that the son could have the father's name. But, does he lie now? Has he been good to you? Is he trustworthy? Why would you want to create so much upset in an otherwise good relationship? Or are you looking for a way to get out of the relationship and using this? Examine your own motives. Many people are married and leave and then have new, fine relationships. Some people are very touchy about it. Is this a crime?


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2003
Thu, 10-02-2008 - 9:52am

Dr. Shoshana, you have to be kidding?!?! You imply it's ok to lie about a past marriage because a person may be "touchy" about it?! It is a crime to lie to someone you're having a relationship with. She should be able to make her decision about being involved based on truths, not lies of that degree.

She has every right to know if he has been married, divorced, or is still married. Regardless of how she came about to inquire, she is owed the truth if he wants a relationship with her. He should also be willing to share any information about how she took his name if he knows, not hostility. That is not love.

It is definitely a "crime" to lie about a past marriage to a current partner! wher are the values in condoning misrepresentation?

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