He says he's had enough

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
He says he's had enough
3
Sun, 12-30-2007 - 6:06pm

My guy and I have been together ten years and have 2 boys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:55am

What have you done that involves putting effort into this relationship? Have you given counseling a legitimate chance? How long have you not gotten along and were you having these problems before you decided to have children together?

"I just don't want to let what we have go good or bad"
That may be because you're looking at ten years of history, ten years of comfort, ten years with the same guy and not having to put yourself out there or start over with a new man. It's a daunting thought but those reasons aren't reasons to stay with someone.

"Am I in denial? Has he already left and I'm still holding on? "
From what he's saying it looks like he has one foot out the door already, but I can't read his mind to elicit his intentions. If he hasn't left already it could be that he's still willing to make an effort.

It seems as though you know where your failings are, and you lack the motivation to put forth the willpower to change because he hasn't changed for you. Well.. It's tough being the first person to put a foot forward toward acting differently, but someone has to do it. You can't both keep feeding on one another's misery and bad attitude and expect to get anywhere with one another.

If two people don't get along then they should not be together. Communication can be changed, but look at how compatible you are and how much you love one another. In your mind, is that enough to stand on? Do you truly and honestly believe that you can have a future with this man that is happy for the both of you?

For the sake of your kids and as a commitment to one another you should give your relationship a fair chance and offer up the idea of counseling together. If he won't go with you, then yes you are safe to assume that he's already left the relationship and he's just waiting on you to make it official.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 12:14pm

Welcome to the board j2mom68,


Before you give up ask him to go to counseling with you. Since both of you talk about wanting to change but never do, counseling might give you the tools to put the changes you need to make in motion.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2007
Thu, 01-03-2008 - 6:37pm

Wow! So much you say hits right at home.