I'm sorry, but you saying that you're not going to be playing"his" game back made me laugh out loud. When he saw you, he waved in a normal mature manner, and you said you did a quick half-wave, and hurried off. He needed a little space, and simply told you that he would call you later, and when it apparently wasn't in your time frame of later you sent him a reply of "don't bother".
Thank you everyone for your opinion and help through this! I just want to give everyone another update on whats been going on:
My close girlfriend is even closer to him (they've been friends for 4 yrs) ive only known her for about two, him about 4 months...so shes been finding out info for me the past couple of days b/c he's been confiding in her. Hes been telling her that he doesnt know if he and i will work things out because i smothered him, then the
Hi melisaa, I don't think you'll like what I have to say, but maybe it would be good for you to hear this from someone who doesn't know any of you. It might help.
I think you did smother him (calling him every hour on the hour, etc.). I know you feel you had your reasons, and unfortunately so many women do this that they sometimes can't see where that might be wrong, but it is. Basically, you're not doing yourself any favors by continually calling a man for any reason. Really doesn't matter what the reason is. If he's not calling you back, instead of picking up the phone you need to learn to sit back and WATCH what he's doing, and ask yourself does this fit into my life? Nine times out of ten, when he's not calling you the answer is a big fat no.
Another thing I noticed, If I remember correctly, is the way you dumped on him before he got a chance to do it to you. Again, that was so unnecessary. I call that shooting the lame horse when a pair of tweezers would have worked. If you follow the suggestion above, sitting back and watching what he does and evaluating *that*, you'll probably not have to deal with doing that again. Besides, it seemed a bit demanding since you've only been dating a few weeks at that point, I believe.
And last, learn to keep confidences, girl. This is what got me about this last post: ....."but that still doesnt give him the right to tell her those things when i trusted him. "..... They BOTH feel this way about you now, don't you see? You were trusted with confidences, and then went blabbing. It doesn't matter if the info was bashing or not, it was still personal and private. He's sitting back and evaluating your actions, and while you might be a great girl, lots of fun, sexy, independent, yadda yadda, it still doesn't stop the fact that at this point in your life, he's seeing he can't trust you with his confidences because he's watching you betray others', namely, someone who is supposed to be a good friend.
How do you fix any of this? Well, that's a hard one because right now your word doesn't count for a whole lot with either one of them so nothing you say will resonate very deep. The only thing that will help is TIME. Lots of it. You've betrayed them both and the only way to show them your word is good is to simply BE trustworthy. Don't blab things from one person to the next. If someone tells you something, it should stop there. Be WORTHY of someone's trust. I understand you felt that because he was your boyfriend, that that should automatically default to 'you can tell him anything,' but in REALITY you've only known him a few months, and you don't know if he's worth telling confidences to yet. That kind of trust develops and is earned over time, a long amount. Not to mention, you were telling the confidences of one friend to another, and they have both known each other longer than they've known you. Where do you think the loyalty will be greatest at this point?
Lots of people say, "You're worth more than that, you're better than that," and use it as a catch-all, and truthfully, we're all worth the best that can come into our lives, but the question is, are we ACTING in a way that makes us truly deserving of it? You might be surprised.
Thank you again for your responses. This is quite the learning experience for me. However, i am still holding on to the hope of getting back together....i know i will just have to learn the hard way, but right now all i want is for us to work it out.
Last night i was with a long time guy friend who ive known for about 10 years, and we happend to walk into the SAME bar that my ex was walking into, at the SAME EXACT TIME. Now, tell me, how weird or coincidental is that...i mean, what are the chances?! same exact time on a street where theres no one else around but the 3 of us?! So needless to say, i was very shocked and almost fainted....but walked in and met up with the friends i was going there to meet in the first place. My girlfriend said he kept looking over at me, we were down at the far end of the bar, and he was at the front part of the bar. All i kept thinking was "great now he thinks ive moved on to someone else so fast" even though the guy i was with is JSUT A FRIEND OF 10 YEARS!! But my ex didnt know that.....i felt bad...my ex finished his drink and then ended up leaving, and i got a text from him after he left saying "sorry, that wasnt planned...you look pretty tonight"...........and that was that. I didnt respond and went home and went to bed.
Our mutual friend talked to him this morning, and she said the first thing that came outta his mouth was "i ran into her last night and she was w/a guy and if shes going to move on that quickly then i dont even want to work with her then" then he told her he was going to write me an e-mail and he did. He texted me about an hour ago and it said check your e-mail. This is what it said:
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I'm sorry, but you saying that you're not going to be playing"his" game back made me laugh out loud. When he saw you, he waved in a normal mature manner, and you said you did a quick half-wave, and hurried off. He needed a little space, and simply told you that he would call you later, and when it apparently wasn't in your time frame of later you sent him a reply of "don't bother".
My opinion is that he used you for a place to stay and then started an arguement for a way out when he found himself a place to live.
Perhaps you were a "prize" to him... in the sense that you are 24 and he is 38.
Thank you everyone for your opinion and help through this! I just want to give everyone another update on whats been going on:
My close girlfriend is even closer to him (they've been friends for 4 yrs) ive only known her for about two, him about 4 months...so shes been finding out info for me the past couple of days b/c he's been confiding in her. Hes been telling her that he doesnt know if he and i will work things out because i smothered him, then the
Hi Melissaa18,
My best advice, take yourself out of the equation and do not particpate in the drama.
There are some men who don't mind the age gap that seems to be between the two of you, and then there's some that do.
Hi melisaa, I don't think you'll like what I have to say, but maybe it would be good for you to hear this from someone who doesn't know any of you. It might help.
I think you did smother him (calling him every hour on the hour, etc.). I know you feel you had your reasons, and unfortunately so many women do this that they sometimes can't see where that might be wrong, but it is. Basically, you're not doing yourself any favors by continually calling a man for any reason. Really doesn't matter what the reason is. If he's not calling you back, instead of picking up the phone you need to learn to sit back and WATCH what he's doing, and ask yourself does this fit into my life? Nine times out of ten, when he's not calling you the answer is a big fat no.
Another thing I noticed, If I remember correctly, is the way you dumped on him before he got a chance to do it to you. Again, that was so unnecessary. I call that shooting the lame horse when a pair of tweezers would have worked. If you follow the suggestion above, sitting back and watching what he does and evaluating *that*, you'll probably not have to deal with doing that again. Besides, it seemed a bit demanding since you've only been dating a few weeks at that point, I believe.
And last, learn to keep confidences, girl. This is what got me about this last post: ....."but that still doesnt give him the right to tell her those things when i trusted him. "..... They BOTH feel this way about you now, don't you see? You were trusted with confidences, and then went blabbing. It doesn't matter if the info was bashing or not, it was still personal and private. He's sitting back and evaluating your actions, and while you might be a great girl, lots of fun, sexy, independent, yadda yadda, it still doesn't stop the fact that at this point in your life, he's seeing he can't trust you with his confidences because he's watching you betray others', namely, someone who is supposed to be a good friend.
How do you fix any of this? Well, that's a hard one because right now your word doesn't count for a whole lot with either one of them so nothing you say will resonate very deep. The only thing that will help is TIME. Lots of it. You've betrayed them both and the only way to show them your word is good is to simply BE trustworthy. Don't blab things from one person to the next. If someone tells you something, it should stop there. Be WORTHY of someone's trust. I understand you felt that because he was your boyfriend, that that should automatically default to 'you can tell him anything,' but in REALITY you've only known him a few months, and you don't know if he's worth telling confidences to yet. That kind of trust develops and is earned over time, a long amount. Not to mention, you were telling the confidences of one friend to another, and they have both known each other longer than they've known you. Where do you think the loyalty will be greatest at this point?
Lots of people say, "You're worth more than that, you're better than that," and use it as a catch-all, and truthfully, we're all worth the best that can come into our lives, but the question is, are we ACTING in a way that makes us truly deserving of it? You might be surprised.
Good luck,
Thank you again for your responses. This is quite the learning experience for me. However, i am still holding on to the hope of getting back together....i know i will just have to learn the hard way, but right now all i want is for us to work it out.
Last night i was with a long time guy friend who ive known for about 10 years, and we happend to walk into the SAME bar that my ex was walking into, at the SAME EXACT TIME. Now, tell me, how weird or coincidental is that...i mean, what are the chances?! same exact time on a street where theres no one else around but the 3 of us?! So needless to say, i was very shocked and almost fainted....but walked in and met up with the friends i was going there to meet in the first place. My girlfriend said he kept looking over at me, we were down at the far end of the bar, and he was at the front part of the bar. All i kept thinking was "great now he thinks ive moved on to someone else so fast" even though the guy i was with is JSUT A FRIEND OF 10 YEARS!! But my ex didnt know that.....i felt bad...my ex finished his drink and then ended up leaving, and i got a text from him after he left saying "sorry, that wasnt planned...you look pretty tonight"...........and that was that. I didnt respond and went home and went to bed.
Our mutual friend talked to him this morning, and she said the first thing that came outta his mouth was "i ran into her last night and she was w/a guy and if shes going to move on that quickly then i dont even want to work with her then" then he told her he was going to write me an e-mail and he did. He texted me about an hour ago and it said check your e-mail. This is what it said:
Why would he try to be your friend???... because he wants to be friends.
>>If he didnt care then would he of sent me that text last night and the e-mail today!? Why is he trying to hard to be my friend? <<
I don't think he is trying to be your friend.
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