He says I'm being pushy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
He says I'm being pushy
3
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 5:42pm
I met a guy online...we have fallen in love...and are planning to move in together and get married..... 2nd marriage for both we are both in our 40's......we have a really good relationship and we have talked thru many things........ however now we have hit a wall.......he was in a bad mood and i tried to find out why he was angry at me....i needed to talk it out but he said i was being pushy and it made us lose something.... now he is shutting me out and said i was being pushy and neurotic........this has hurt so much.......i don't understand his anger and his distance.......i never had a marriage where i could talk things thru and he didn't either....... both of us have been hurt......i don't know what to do now and i need advice
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 1:37am
I'd be EXTREMELY cautious of on-line relationships. People can project many different personas that can be so far from the truth as to stun someone. It sounds like this guy got tired of the charade and is being himself now. I could be wrong. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 7:42am

have you ever met in person?how much time (total) have you spent together IN PERSON since you met online? and what exactly went wrong now - i am not sure what the problem is? so he got annoyed and said you are pushy, that doesn't quite make the whole relationship void. was this a screaming/cursing/slamming down the phone kind of fight?


sometimes, couples need some help in learnign to communicated. you may want to consider couples' therapy BEFORE you move in and BEFORE you get married. just a thought.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:06am

Good communication is at the heart of all relationships. If he is unwilling to talk, there is no way to get through a period of difficulty. Withdrawing and running away when trouble appears is a childish response. You say neither of you had good marriages or good communication. Usually, unless work is done in a problem area, the same patterns and problems repeat themselves. Sounds like this is happening right now. Let him know that by blaming you, and refusing to communicate nothing can be worked through or handled and the relationship has little hope of flourishing. By seeking some help with this (a good couple or marriage counsellor), you both can rescue the love you have for each other and not let old patterns and hurts from the past spoil what you have built. But he has to be willing. Nothing can happen if he is not.


All good wishes.