He say's No..............why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2004
He say's No..............why?
4
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:18am
My bf and I have been together for almost 2 years, living together for about a year. I know that he loves me but our sex life is basically non-existence and I have a high sex drive. Everytime we are together(whether laying on the couch or in bed)he wants to cuddle, but as soon as I make a gesture or goofing around by touching him or trying to kiss his neck or something, he'll say "no" or "stop" I just want to lay with you. But it's everytime. I don't think he's cheating on me, but I just don't know what the deal is. It's really affecting our whole relationship. What do I do?? Please help!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:33am
He may have a chemical imbalance issue. Has he gained or lost a fair amount of weight in the past few months? Changes in the thyroid can have some impact. He may have lower than normal levels of testosterone. Does he take any presciption medications, especially anti-depressents?

A doctor's visit may be a good idea to have various hormone levels checked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 10:45am
I have no idea but that was the first sign of my relationship problem to me. He was losing interest in sex & I as well have a high sex drive. It's possible that the problem runs deeper than just a lack of interest in sex. And now my boyfriend is confused on his love for me now that he has decided to finally talk about it. He said he was feeling guilty having sex with me because he knew there was a deeper problem with the relationship that he just hadn't quite realized or come to term with yet. I hope for you this is not the case but just what is happening to me right now. Good luck I hope your problem is not as bad as mine. Keep strong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 1:16pm
i'm on your bf's end, so let me tell you my side and maybe add another opinion. we've been together about 2 years also, and at the beginning had a very active sex life. it has slowly been dwindling since, and well, honestly, last week was the first sex we'd had in 3 months.

i quit enjoying sex basically. at the beginning it was a way to bring us closer together. now we have that closeness w/o the sex. i wanted to make sure our relationship wasn't based on sex. AND i felt guilty every time i slept with him. i was brought up in a very Christian lifestyle and always taught that sex before marriage was wrong. i did it anyway, but every single time after we finished i would (and still do) cry. part of that i chalk up to hormones and the other part i think is guilt. guilt that i wasn't supposed to do what i did, and guilt that i didn't enjoy it and just wanted it to be over. i'm afraid to just come out and tell my bf this. i want to tell him that i don't want to have sex anymore until we're married. i brought it up jokingly once and he said that if that's what i really wanted he would do it, but he didn't think he could go w/o sex for that long, b/c HE has a very high sex drive. i would much rather snuggle and give little loving kisses than to hop in the sack now. that's just the way i show my love for him. i would never cheat. i just feel more comfortable with him than w/ anyone else and i don't feel like i should have to have sex to keep our relationship alive.

i am curious as to how old you and your bf are. men reach they're sexually peak in their mid to late 20s (i believe) and women don't reach their's until their 30s. i think you need to talk to him. tell him how you feel and get his thoughts on it. work something out together. you'll never know what is truly wrong until you ask. good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 2:37pm

it would help to know how old you both are, and if your BF is on any meds. also - has it been this way from the beginning or is this a new development -if this is new, then did something happen in his life lately (job loss, money problems, etc).