he says this...what should i do to help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
he says this...what should i do to help?
3
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 9:13pm
my guy right now is under a lot of pressure and drowning in problems. i wanna help him but he wont tell me his problems cause he doesnt want to talk about it. he wants me to give him some space, some time to fix his life so that when the right time comes, we'll be ready for our future. what he wants is me to leave him alone cause he needs this time for himself. he said that i dont know what he is going thru and that i should let him solve his problem by himself. it hurts me seeing and knowing that he is not at ease. do you still think that i can save what we have (if we still have something) or i should just let it go and be thankful for what we shared? thank you so much
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 9:21pm
Well, do you want to be in a r'ship with someone who shuts you out every time he has a problem? Because that's what you'll get if you stay with him.

Life always throws you problems. You don't just step away from a r'ship in order to deal with them...you work on them in the context of the r'ship. What if you were married? Would he expect you to give him space then?

The guy I'm involved with is going through some major difficulties also (recent deaths of his father and of a good friend, and financial issues), and he acknowledged to me that he would LOVE to run away, but he's not. He's staying in touch and talking to me about things, even though it's hard for him. That's the kind of guy I want to be with. I'm not saying that's the only acceptable way to deal with things, but it's up to you whether you can deal with his way.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 9:43pm
Either he likes to shut people out or he really doesn't want you to know what is going on.

If he is asking you to let it go then I think you should let it go. If he says point blank that he needs his space, then you need to give it to him. Guys aren't that complicated when they express their needs. Don't try to save him or change him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 10:00pm
yeah.. i guess your right.. he tries to keep in touch though.. i asked him that last night, that if we would still be together after this would that mean everytime he had a problem i would have to leave.. well he said it wasnt like that just now cause of things. he's a veteran actor in our country and im just starting. he said he wanted to quit showbiz cause he's not happy with what he's doing and he's really pressured with his family.. i can get a picture of the pressure his dad is putting on him, cause everytime we were together his dad kept on calling him, asking him if were he was, bugging him to go to the office.. he's 27! he was telling me before about the achievements his dad has done when he was at 27.. when i think of what my guy has achieved it is nothing compared to what his dad has achieved cause it's two different fields. like his dad graduated at 20 at one of the top universities here with honors at 22 was already teaching masters. upto now, my guy hasnt graduated college because of showbiz, he's studying now but he was dependent on his own since 21, since then he hasnt asked any financial aid from his parents. i guess his parents are pressuring him to settle down already, take over the business and stuff.. but i dont know... i really dont know.. thanks a lot for your time and advice :)

sarita