he still has feelings for her

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2004
he still has feelings for her
3
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 4:59pm
need some help with thinking this through and deciding on what to do next.

background is I've been dating Paul(he's 32) for 9 months and it's been going well up until now. We were talking about crushes and he told me that he had a crush on this chick, Amy, he used to see all the time at the University and he thinks she's so amazing. He said he pined for her seriously for many many months and he finally got the kahookies to ask her out and she turned him down. He was completely devastated over it from what he says.

So what's the problem? I find out she lives on the same floor in his apartment building. Then I asked him if he still had feelings for her and he said (without hesistating) Yes, she still has an affect on him and when he sees her he still longs for her sometimes. Clearly he's not over her, but he's in a relationship with me now and I'm not so keen on keeping this relationship going if he's got a spot in his heart for another woman he still has feelings for. And he has a hard time talking about her too. He won't open up very much.

when I think about it a crush is usually a short lived experience and you move on. Clearly he's way beyond having a crush. This is going on 2 years now.

I don't want to be in a relationship where she's got a piece of his heart. I don't need competition, I want a relationship with a guy that's completely emotionally available.

Am I missing something here??? What do you think????

Seattle

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 9:31pm
I'm with you. If she ever gave him the time of day, he'd dump you without a second thought. And if she never does, his feelings for her alone will keep him from being 100% committed to anyone else, including you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 11:56pm
seems like you've already made up your mind about it. you know what you want - someone who will be emotionally available to you, someone who's crazy about you as this guy is for amy. maybe you should talk to him about it? let him know how it makes you feel. calmly, rationally. don't expect him to open up but at least let him know how you are feeling and what you are thinkinhg before you decided that you wanted someone who you can trust to be devoted to no one else. you deserve that. good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-20-2003
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 10:26am
I agree with everyone else. I think you'd be waisting your time on someone who is in love with some other woman.