Is he still shopping?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Is he still shopping?
6
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 2:53pm
I've found myself in sort of a strange predicament today.

First some background.. I met my current live in boyfriend on Tickle.com which is a Matchmaking/Social Networking site. We met on the Social Networking Side, as we are both in the same city and joined the regional group.

Up until now we've been immensely happy together.. we have fun, know how to make each other laugh (even our arguments are funny) and (I thought) were completely devoted to each other.

He's been talking about buying a house, we've been planning a vacation to go visit my big sister across the country, going on a cruise, etc.

But today I'm messing around on Tickle on the Matchmaking side, when who's profile do I discover but his?

Not to worry.. he doesn't have much time on his hands so I figure he must not have had the time to delete it yet.

So I meander through the profile.. look at what he has to say, and then click on the 'pictures' link...

A picture that a friend took of us 2 weeks ago is in his pictures link.. and I'm cut out of it!!!

So what's the deal? Obviously he's keeping his profile maintained.. so is he still shopping around?

Is everything that has come out of his mouth about me and us just him spouting off what he thinks I want to hear?

Would anyone else jump to the conclusion that he has no faith in the longevity of our relationship?

How do/Should I confront him? What should I say?

Help!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 3:33pm
Yes, I'd say the signs are pretty clear that he's still shopping. But for what is the question. He may be one of those men who wants to be in and enjoy the benefits of a primary r'ship (you) but have one or two women on the side. Or he may be unhappy in some respect so he's seeing if there's something "better" out there. There's no way for you to know unless you ask him, although of course there's a good chance he won't be honest with you about why he has the profile up.

I would definitely confront him, and let him know that you are not comfortable being in a committed r'ship with someone who has a profile up on a singles site. Ask him to explain the profile and what he plans to do about it. Of course, if he takes it down, there's nothing to prevent him from putting one up on any of a hundred different singles sites. He's basically broken the trust between you by his actions, so most likely couples counseling will be necessary if you are to have a chance of rebuilding that trust.

Good luck. I gave my ex several chances over a similar issue and finally broke things off a while back when I found his profile on yet *another* site after he promised me he was not on any sites.

Sheri

Avatar for cute_queen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 7:35pm
Been there, done that. Hate to say it but he is still shopping. This may not even be they only site he has a profile on. My suggestion? Talk to him. He may it down but I doubt you will be completely happy..the trust has already been broken and he won't be happy because he 'had' to take it down.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 12:21pm
It seems part of you must be 'still shopping' too or you would not have been on the Matchmaking side looking at men and would not have run across his profile. He's much more pro-active in his shopping than you. Just a thought.

Keep looking up^, Susan.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 4:14pm
Not meaning to sound overly defensive, but I was actually browsing for people in our group on the Matchmaking side after a thread about their Matchmaking profiles piqued my interest.

On that note, I did talk to him that night after avoiding him like the plague while I tried to collect my thoughts.. I got an explanation although I'm not sure if I like it, so we'll see where we go from here.

A few months ago I might have still 'been shopping around' but now I could safely say I'm very happy with him and the relationship.. a few months ago it seemed too new to be as serious as it was and I was scared. I think I've come to grips with the rate it's progressing now. ;)

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 9:41pm
So, what was the explanation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 5:09pm
I am not sure what possible explanation he could have for updating his profile but I hope he isn't cheating on you. Bests of luck.