He thinks I want out...
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 03-14-2007 - 11:55pm |
Hi all - occasional lurker, first time poster. I have a situation on my hands that I just need to run by some cooler heads. I'll try to make this brief, but also hit the relevant details.
My DH and I have been married for 3 1/2 years, 2nd time for both of us. It's been a rocky road (at least for me) and it's been touch and go at times, however, I feel like things right now are about as good as they ever have been and I'm really happy about that. We're going thru a transitional period, as I recently inherited money and was able to quit my job. It's caused some bumps in the road but I've been feeling lately like we're getting thru them, and understanding it's just going to take some time.
OK, there's the background. I have a friend (female) I joke with sometimes about how we're never getting married again, and what have we gotten ourselves into, what we'd do if we were single, etc., and it can be pretty crass-sounding, if you don't know we're joking. Well, inadvertantly I left some emails on my screen between us along those lines, and one of them mentioned my inheritance. Yep, he saw them. He's understandably furious, and has left to go for a drive. I told him that yes, it's been hard at times but I felt that right now things are good and I was sorry that our tasteless joking had hurt him. I feel horrible. I can never take those words back, even if they weren't sincere. And now I don't know what to do. I dont' know when he'll be back. I can't go to sleep. I do know I need to just let him go be alone and the worst thing would have been to stop him.
I know there's really nothing anyone can do or say to help, he has every right to be hurt and mad. I just wanted to talk to someone for some perspective. Thanks, everyone.

I saw that nobody had replied to your post yet so I will try my best to help.
1) If you explain to him and reassure him that it was just senseless talk with a girlfriend, and that you love him then, WHY is he worried or want out??
2) If the email is not left up on the computer for him or has his name in bold, WHY is he reading your emails?? Is he insecure or not trust you??
3) IT IS JUST SENSELESS talking....
Thanks for the reply! Just to clarify, I went off and left the email up on the screen. So he wasn't snooping - he sat down to use the computer and there it was in front of his face.
He came home after a couple of hours and we talked (and talked) and I think we're going to get through this. I still feel awful, and learned a huge lesson, but I think it's going to be OK. I think maybe it dredged up some cr*p from when his first marriage broke up, which I can understand.
Thanks again for replying. :)
never leave personal things and walk away. yes, it is senseless talking just like how I had a dream about cheating on my boyfrind and emailed my best friend about it, but i made sure i did not type that email at his house and she emailed back with the subject "Michelle's Big Secret" That was my friends name "Michelle" So I don't open it at his house. (my bf's)
Even though my boyfriend is a very secure guy, I did not want to risk any doubts...
So RattledGirl, please keep your personals thing (that are senseless to share) private.
Yes of course he has a right to be upset. It's hard to take back words said and seen. However, there's another question here, why did you leave these messages open so he could see them? Perhaps deep down you have a wish to get out of the marriage? Perhaps you wanted to let him know how you're feeling?
If I were you I'd take a deeper look at what's going on both inside of myself and my marriage. Perhaps you need some help in working through issues between the two of you and issues you may also have? Joking is a way to let off steam, but it's also an expression of that which is going on inside of us. It sounds to me as though it may be time to do a real house cleaning...be honest with yourself and him.
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.