He wants to change but should I be worri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
He wants to change but should I be worri
2
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 5:41pm

Capricorn Males- when you suddenly change?
Now he wants to quit smoking and buff up?
if you hook upwith your boyfriend (of 7 days lol) for the first time (have sex with him) and he says "love you" as he kisses you goodbye is it ok to think it means NOTHING since he was drinking alcohol a bit earlier? I think so but i want to know others opinions. I DIDNT SAY IT BACK! lol. so i'm not mad. its waaay too early for me just curious to know what people think. btw, does that mean he enjoyed the sex?

THEN: i "asked his permission" to go to this lingerie party thing that i had rsvped to like 3 months ago. it was all college althletes(i play volleyball). so ofcourse six packs and toned asses galore. lol. he said he was fine with it and so i went. i only stayed about 2 hours then left. didnt feel like i should stay more. we talked on the phone (today) and he talked about wanting to quit smoking and getting buffer. both topics he's never mentioned before except the smoking thing and he mentioned that once. i told him i dressed a bit more conservatively.

i told him i dressed a bit more conservative i spent the night with girls. only dancing with two guys which were both friends(1 football player and 1 basketball player). i left early also cuz i missed him. i told him all this which he said he appreciated it. but the whole buff up and quit smoking thing took me by surprise. i asked him what brought it on he said he just wanted to make changes and his smoking was messing up his body he used to be a lot buffer etc. im worried that this whole party thing hurt us more than i expected. :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 6:24pm

Nickia, you're seriously over analysing. You've only been with him 7 days. You know nothing about him and therefore cannot even begin to guess what's going on in his mind.

Why did he say "I love you?". He's either drunk or infatuated.

Did he enjoy sex? Don't ask us - we weren't there LOL. Did he look like he enjoyed it?

Why does he want to quit smoking and get fit? Most likely because he knows he's unfit and stinky and doesn't want to get lung cancer.

But I am concerned about you "asking his permission" to attend a party with your friends. I'm concerned about you reassuring him that you dressed more conservatively than normal and I'm concerned about you leaving the party early. None of this is healthy behaviour. When you get a boyfriend, you should continue in your life like normal. Changing your behaviour to what you think he'd like is the stuff of controlling relationships.

edited to add: even in the unlikely event that his changes were brought on by insecurites from you hanging out with athletes, it's not your problem. His insecurities are his own problem and you should NOT alter your behaviour. Even if this is the case, he's taking positive steps to remedy the situation and you should be glad for him and support him in his quest for self improvement.




Edited 6/22/2007 6:32 pm ET by iv_aisha2004
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2006
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 7:00pm
Thanks! I think i was overanalyzing. I appreciate you putting me in check