He wasn't ready for it...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2003
He wasn't ready for it...
5
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 6:47am
Last night my boyfriend(ex) told me that we needed to "talk". That could only mean one thing to a girl. I went over there and he said,"I thought I was ready, but I'm not ready for this." It took him 11 months to now figure that out. The thing that gets me is that we never had one fight or even an arguement about anything. We were really compatible for eachother. I spent Christmas with him and his family and we even exchanged presents. I had no idea this was coming, what the hell happened?!?! If anyone has any light to spread I could really use it. Thanks for listening.
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 9:44am
The only one who can explain it is him. Did he say what it is he's not ready for exactly? I'd tell him I need a better explanation than that since it's been 11 months. That doesn't really fly. Unfortunately, he may not tell you what you want to hear.

I'm very sorry that this has happened. Best of luck to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 10:02am

The only thing you can do is talk with him and see if you can find out what it is that he is doing.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 10:32am

Unfortuntaely, in many relationships, some people are not able or willing to shrae their feelings with their partner completely. Your boyfriend clearly was having doubts, upset and other feelings that he did not let you know about. (It is also possible he was not fully aware of them himself. Sometimes these fears, doubts and issues are suppressed and then they come up suddenly as a desire to "get out".) This does not mean that he does not love you, but that he has inner conflicts and issues that he needs to work out. He may not be aware of what is going on inside or how to handle it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 11:06am
I know it's disappointing but it happens all the time - his feelings changed and he is not motivated to continue. My ex broke up with me after 4 months after introducing me to many of his friends and family and talking of marriage constantly. Until there is serious talk of engagement I do not assume something is that serious. My suggestion is that you do the same and that you put a one year time limit after which there has to be that kind of serious talk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 12-30-2003 - 11:31am
Twice in my single days, boyfriends broke up with me over the holidays and both times we had plans to spend time with my family. It overwhelmed them and forced them to think that this may be actually be headed for a serious relationship.

That may be the case with him. I am sorry he isn't being clear with you but he may not be clear himself. Did you ask him to clarify for you what happened so you can get some closyre here?