he will not kiss me.
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he will not kiss me.
| Tue, 09-02-2008 - 9:56pm |
I have been involved with a man for about 9 years...friends, then friends with benefits, then truly together.
| Tue, 09-02-2008 - 9:56pm |
I have been involved with a man for about 9 years...friends, then friends with benefits, then truly together.
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Welcome to the board karrieone,
Have you sat him down and discussed what you want/need (kissing) and asked why he's opposed to it?
he is not a fan of counseling by any means. i doubt it. he does talk to his sister though and asks her to help him understand me and do better by me... i respect the privacy of those conversations and don't pry too much into them but i know they happen and know that he tries hard to figure himself out in the safety of that relationship. his sister is a wise woman and will occassionally pass on something extra nice he says. our other friend keeps saying it is clear he doesn't know how he feels about me, after all this time. his best friend says he loves me to death and is no good when i'm not around. it is very confusing. but when i try to step back a bit he gets very hurt, always wants me around...
i left once before over this and he just basically didn't accept it... my leaving, i mean. we talked and worked some things out but maybe jumped back in too quickly. that was a little over a year ago. his sister says his issues with real intimacy are so extreme that maybe this is the one wall he is keeping between us to keep himself safe in some way from giving all of himself to this. he used to be very selfish in relationships, doing what he wanted whenever he wanted, not bringing his girfriends places with him, etc. etc. he is nothing like that with me.
he's been burnt badly a lot of times, too.
the other thing i forgot to mention is that when with people and the talk turns to sex, relationships, etc. he will say things like "I love the kiss"... or sometimes he will mention our first kiss.... it all just breaks me up. and although our sex life is great i'm not sure i can keep dealing with rejection.
::the other thing i forgot to mention is that when with people and the talk turns to sex, relationships, etc. he will say things like "I love the kiss"... or sometimes he will mention our first kiss.... it all just breaks me up.
So he wants to participate and wants to be seen in a good light, at your expense and at the risk of him knowing that you know that truth and that he's lying.
Yeah, I hear you. I'd be so tempted to say something.
Have you read the book: Are You the one For Me? by Barbara DeAngelis - I highly recommend it.
thank you for listening. i'm a little wary of self help books but i'll give a shot to your suggestions.... if anyone else out there has any thoughts i would be so grateful.
i guess just talking/writing about it to a neutral audience is helpful in itself in sorting out my thoughts to some extent. just still so unsure what action to take at this point.
My thought is that this is pathological on his part.
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