he won't give me closure

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2003
he won't give me closure
2
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 9:32pm
Hi all, My boyfriend of 4 months broke up with me about two weeks ago because he felt I was not the one for him because during our relationship I had kept him at a distance and did not make him feel special because I was working through my own issues with breaking up my engagement last year and possibly going back east to continue my schooling for grad school. He says I was too indecisive mean and I kept on getting emotional on him and telling him this was wrong. I was trying to not fall in love because I was afraid of losing him if I were to leave and I had to find out what I want first. Well he broke up with me and I tried to end this all and get closure by letting him off the hook easy by saying that I would love to get my stuff back and I will exchange it for his B-day present.I told him I would leave it on his doorstep and it would be great if I could swing by and pick my stuff up if he'd just leave it on the doorstep because seeing him would be too hard. Well he writes me back saying he is not going to do that and that this break-up is too hard for him he can barely write an e-mail in response to my origional e-mail explaining why I pushed him away. He wants to meet up in person in 2 weeks. what is going on through his head? I know he might have hesitations I suppose. Well he had a Bday and so I left his present on his doorstep. Today I get an e-mail from him saying thank-you for the gift ( a spa set because I know he likes bubble baths) and he said it won't be the same using it without me , that I should not worry about my stuff because he will give it back to me soon. I am wondering if I should call him and demand it now because this is making things too complicated? I am hoping that he will call and we can get together and I can have a heart to heart talk with him but then his last e-mail saying he will return my things seems so certain it is over. I don't know why he doesn't propose to do it now. Any help would be great. My ultimate goal is to get him back so I am not calling him or emailing, said I would give him his space and to call me when he is ready to get together but now it seems that it's only to finalize things and to break up for good. Thanks all


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 03-09-2004 - 10:43pm
'My ultimate goal is to get him back'

It seems that you weren't near ready for a relationship when you were dating so why do you want to try to get back together?

'breaking up my engagement last year and possibly going back east to continue my schooling for grad school. He says I was too indecisive mean and I kept on getting emotional on him'

How have you changed? What have you done proactively to work on these issues?

'I am wondering if I should call him and demand it now because this is making things too complicated?'

Why is that complicated?

I agree with you that it is not fair for him to be vague and change his mind about giving you the stuff but I wouldn't demand anything. He may be mailing the stuff to you because he doesn't want to see you.

If I were you I would lay low for a week and see if the stuff magically appears and then send an email or call and calmly ask for your stuff. If he really wants out then these isn't much you can do. If he doesn't want to give you closure than make it for yourself. Write him a letter and move on. Then work on yourself until you are really ready for a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Wed, 03-10-2004 - 7:28am

My ultimate goal is to get him back so I am not calling him or emailing, said I would give him his space and to call me when he is ready to get together but now it seems that it's only to finalize things and to break up for good. Thanks all


When HE is ready to get together?