He won't make time for our relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
He won't make time for our relationship
23
Wed, 10-22-2008 - 3:40pm

I've been with my BF for 9 months. For the most part the relationship has been awesome. We are both divorced and have 5 kids between us. Most everything has worked out great....even our kids all get along and accept our relationship.

Here's the problem. Between kids, work, activities etc we don't get much down time, ESPECIALLY on weekends. This coming weekend was the first time in two months that we were going to have some time together ALONE and NO KIDS. I've been looking forward to it for weeks!

So anyhow he calls me a little while ago and tells me that someone has offered him tickets to a big football game this weekend. OK I think I'm not much into football but I'll go. The important thing is it's me and him right? THEN he tells me he wants to take his 6 yr old son.. (he tells me this AFTER I just tell him I have told my kids I would not be around all weekend because I was going to be spending the weekend away with the BF!!!!).
So my question is? Should I suck it up, shut my mouth and the THREE of us go? Or should I gracefully tell him to just take his son? OR should I tell him to go you know where?

I'm just hurt because lately he's been doing this alot and he knows it hurts me. I don't want him to CHOOSE between us but he has spent more good time with his son that me in two months and he knows it. We talk about moving in together and getting married etc. But I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who will never put our relationship first. I know that if you don't protect that relationship the rest all doesn't matter (learned this from failed marriage#1) and he seems more interested in his son than our relationship.

Help! Anyone have any thoughts???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2007
Mon, 10-27-2008 - 10:17am
I wanted to follow up with a message after the weekend to let everyone, who was nice enough to respond, what happened.
In the end HE decided to give away the tickets. We spent an absolutely fantastic weekend together....just the two of us. Dinner out Friday night, Sat attended an outdoor festival that was absolutely beautiful and Sunday went to church together and then vegged and WATCHED the game snuggled up together on the couch.
We talked extensively about each others needs and expectations regarding our relationship, the kids, the future, and our own personal needs. I think maybe in the end what happened last week was a good thing because it led us to these conversations that we needed to have. IN some ways I think we may have emerged from this a stronger couple.
I know we have a tough road ahead but with patience, love and the grace of God I do hope we'll make it. And when things get tough I know there is a fantastic group of women on iVillage to "talk to"!
Thank you all!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 10-27-2008 - 5:59pm
WOW - that's a GREAT update!!!




iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Mon, 10-27-2008 - 6:28pm

Hey.

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