he won't move in..what do i do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2007
he won't move in..what do i do?
3
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 2:20pm

I need help and advice...

I have been with a man for now 4 years (i'm 28). The first couple of years were rough and I broke up with him (I found out he cheated). Life brought us back together and after a 6 month break, we got back together. It has been now 2 years since we got back together. I gave him another chance. We live about 15 mins from each other and last year I brought up moving in together. He refused and his reasoning was that he was still in school (he is 31 years old!) and that he didn't want to live together until he was done. After a few months, he kind of changed the “graduation deadline” to “until I’m stable financially and have a stable job”. We have been arguing a lot about this issue, I cannot stand living out of overnight bags (I basically spend Thursday to Tuesday morning at his house and then I have to go home).

Ok, he now graduated a couple of weeks ago and not only does he not have a job, he is not looking for one, and is planning on going back to school in the fall to pursue another degree. We talked about this not to long ago, and I said well, if you do go back to school, I am supportive of that, but what’s with us? I told him to be honest and let me know if I would have to wait another year or two to “move forward” with our relationship. He simply responded “we can talk about it”. We have yet to discuss any of that, and I am tired of bringing it up, and I don’t want to be one the one forcing anything. I don’t know what to do, I love him dearly but I can’t keep living this way. I am driven and hardworking, he is the opposite, comfortable in school, unwilling to grow up and face life’s realities. He already knows I am not going to wait until he gets out of school, what do I do now?

Any advice is greatly appreciated…

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 2:37pm
You have already made it clear to him that you are not willing to wait until he gets out of school, and he IS going to be there another 2 years or so. You need to make a decision about your own life, like he's made a decision about his (apparently, without consulting you). How much longer do you want to continue making all the effort in this relationship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 4:59pm

Welcome to the board maya14270,


Give yourself a deadline. Like, if he hasn't addressed this issue and brought it up to you in say 6 months (or whatever you are comfortable with) that you will do what you have to do in the relationship.


He said

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-08-2007 - 5:04pm

Face the truth of the situation. He's not following through on what he promised. This is going nowhere fast and you are being dangled along. I wouldn't wait for him to decide anything at all. Instead, take a good, long hard look at what you want in a relationship and where you want to be. You are just wasting time and energy in this situation, hoping for something that just seems like a dream. You know more about where a person is really at by their actions, rather than their words.


Now it's time for you to get behind yourself. Stop waiting for him. Decide what you want for your life and go out and get it. If something more were going to happen between the two of you, it would have by now. Why would you want to stay in a situation where you have to drag and pull the guy along? It can't feel very good or respectful to you.


Best wishes,