he wont talk to me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
he wont talk to me
6
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 3:10pm
My bf broke up with me 5 months ago. I was completely devasted and started talking about it to many of my friends. Some of them were our common friends. Since my ex broke up with me on phone I did not have answers to many of my questions.

Our common friends became distant from my ex. some of them tried to talk to him. but he refused to answer any of their questions. said he want to put everything behind him.

I was very hurt in the begining and did not talk to him. but later I smiled at him once and then he started saying Hi to me whenever he saw me. i only used to greet back and never tried to be friendly it was too painful.

As you know people talk one of my friends talked about my situation to his friend withour mentioning my exs name.

this guy was a friend of my ex he went and told him that he would like to punch my ex since he was so mean.

My ex became so mad that he stopped talking to me. he doesnt even say hi. I tried to talk to him. he said he will calll me but never did. he did not answer my phone calls.

I stopped calling him and now its being one month. Everytime we come across each other he just walks past me as if I dont exsist.

All this still hurts. Is there any way i can fix this

Should I send him a apology note? or talk to him? or just let it go!

I know I shouldnt have talked about it to anyone. people form their own opinions and start spreading things

Please advice what should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 3:40pm
avril725...

Pianoguy is curious...

Do you think you're mature enough to have a relationship with someone? Then act like a grown-up about it after a break-up has occurred? The key word in your post is VENTING and believe me...YOU HAVE VENTED ENOUGH!

Okay...the 2 of you have (or had) mutual friends...but the last thing an EX is going to do is spill his feelings out to them...especially if they're going to report them back to YOU! What man wants to stay in touch with somebody who may appear "friendly" on the outside, but might hold a little 'past hostility' inside?

From what you've written in your post, there's DEFINITELY too much communication going on between you and your friends. "Loose lips sink ships"---and it's about time you realize that enough verbal damage has been done!

Don't apologize...and don't prolong something that's over! However...you might want to "keep your mouth shut around some of your friends" in the event you're faced with a similar situation in the future?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 4:54pm
Let it go. Who cares what he thinks, feels or believes? Your opinion of yourself shouldn't be based on his opinion of you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 5:21pm
Thank you so much for the honest reply

I know I did mistake by talking to many friends. But that was immediately after the break up. now I am much more in control of my emotions. I used to be the one who used to defend him when my friends said that he was mean to me.

But the things that my ex heard about me are not cmpletely true.

he thinks I told everyone that he proposed me for marraige. but all I told people was we talked about marraige which we did

So that pissed him of he thought I was spreading wrong things.

I dont have any hard feelings for him And i realize my part of the mistakes!

I did try to let go. But it is very hard!

If i good just convey my apologies but he doesnt want to talk.

I am miserable. I have to see him quiet often. I dont know how to act in front of him now to prevent more damage.

Last time we attended a meeting together I behaved totally normal. I did not avoid him neither did I pay much attention to him. I was talking to my colleagues and smiling at their comments. Acting perfectly normal.

But inside I was a complete mess.

Do you really think I should let it go, consider it over! or write a handwritten note.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 5:38pm
avril725...

Pianoguy knows that you are looking for closure. This is what MANY WOMEN WANT...but what they don't understand is...MEN usually WON'T PROVIDE IT!

I still think you should avoid the communication...and let the relationship go. But if you feel better sending him a friendship card along with a short note...do it assuming YOU'LL HEAR NOTHING BACK!

Don't go any further than this!

As far as telling personal stuff....BE VERY CAREFUL what you share and with whom. Anytime a "party-line" gets access to a 'hot story'---it's usually going to get blown out of proportion.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2004
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 5:53pm
Hi pianoguy,

Can you tell me how this note sounds.

"

xyz,

Some people talk what bothers them and that is how they deal with things. Maybe I shouldnt have talked to my friends about the situation.

If my talking about the situation few months ago put you into trouble I really am sorry.

I did not want then and wont ever want to hurt you. I dont think the words I used would have hurt you had you been present, but I also dont know what exactly you have been told.

I hoped things would not be bitter between us. I still hope so. Maybe someday they wont"

I am doing this for myself so that I will get peace of mind. I will not expect any kind f reply from him after this.

Does this note sound to needy.

I think he is going to find everything very silly after all these months.

Thanks for reading

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-18-2004 - 6:17pm
avril725...

Pianoguy thinks you should condense (and eliminate) a few sentences. I'm sure you've heard the expression: "LESS IS MORE?"

Try this...

"Dear XYZ...

Too many words have been exchanged about our breakup...by others as well as myself...and I wanted to set the record straight.

I think that I felt a need to discuss my feelings of disappointment with others, and to be perfectly honest, I "shared" much more than I should have. I just want you to know that I am very, very sorry I did this.

It was never my intention to hurt or upset you. I only hope that some of the bitterness between us will eventually disappear?

As sincere as I can possibly be...

Avril"

I hope this helps?

Pianoguy (who needs to call it a night and make himself some dinner)