Is he worth fighting for?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Is he worth fighting for?
10
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 3:39pm
My boyfriend had had a bad dealings with his ex wife which in turn put him in a foul mood.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 4:26pm

Welcome to the board onehotmom40,


How long were you together for? After he said it didn't think you were the one what happened? Where does the relationship stand right now?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 10-12-2007 - 4:35pm

Does he perhaps still have feelings for his ex-wife?

I understand the type of person you are when you say you're fun, get along well with the guys, easygoing, independent... So you're the perfect girlfriend (or close to it). What should that say to you? THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU! It's not a problem with you or how great you are. You'd be a great girl for a great guy who wants those traits in a woman (and that's most mature men).

What it says about him is a lot.
-Maybe he's not ready for the right girl
-Maybe he's still confused over his ex
-Maybe the perfect girl for 99.9% of men out there isn't perfect for him
-Maybe his "gut feeling" (which is most of what a man bases attraction on) for you just isn't where it should be ideally

If he doesn't think you're right for him then you should take him at his word. It takes a lot for a man to reveal that amount of honesty and he won't do it for any small reason. If you want to wait for him to understand his feelings better then that's up to you, but be prepared for the same answer or just more confusion. This all sounds like the prelude to a breakup.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Sat, 10-13-2007 - 11:24am
WE started talking in June and met for the first time in July.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 4:05pm

Welcome to the board onehotmom40,


I gotta ask, if he can't stand her, why is/was he talking to her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 9:12am

He signed a student loan for her son and now the boy is not in school and they want him to pay it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 12:16pm

Too bad he didn't laugh in her face..... appeal a divorce for property?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 3:52pm
One hotmom- OMG, I am reading your posts with my mouth hanging open.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 8:50am
I just posted a comment myself about this...actually...im in the same stage as ur husband....and honestly i think you should let it ride out...but keep a close eye on things...and if it gets too the point where you can't handle it...seperate...see with me i dated my ex for 3 yrs....lets call him guy "A" and i was talking to guy "B" who i dated in high school for a while...well we had fights about guy "B" for a while but everything always worked out...later on i end up staying the night with guy "B" and i told guy "a" about it...he seemed ok with it but a little freaked out...things happened while i stayed the night but i didn't tell guy "A" about it...he later found out through a text message that i sent him meaning to send it to my sister...now we are broken up...and he refuses to talk to me...and i dunno what to do....but for you...itll get worse before it gets better...give him space...and try to talk about it being open and understanding

yea. kinda. i was dating a guy for about 3 yrs. and all i could do was think about aaron. aaron was dating a girl at the time and all he could do was think about me. so now im single and so is aaron. aaron and i dated back in high school. and we've k

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 10:58am

It sounds as though whatever happened with his ex wife troubled him and shook his confidence both in himself and in relationships. He might want to retreat from all women for awhile. I don't know his precise situation, but it doesn't sound as though he's completed his emotional relationship with his ex-wife. She still has a huge effect upon him. He really isn't emotionally free, at this time, to start a new relationship. There are too many loose strings still hanging here.


It's not a matter of fighting for this. I think you should be aware that he might not be a good bet right now. This could easily happen again. His behavior isn't stable and when he's upset, he just withdraws. Perhaps it makes more sense to invest your time, love and energy with someone who is emotionally available and ready to return to love you have to give.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2007
Tue, 10-16-2007 - 4:21pm

Well to my surprise he is telling me how much he misses me and wants to see me.