heartbroke

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
heartbroke
2
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 12:58pm
I was dating a man in his 40's. I am 35. I dated him for 6 months moved into an apartment which he helped me pay for. After the year lease was up he bought a house. i moved in with him.At x-mas he proposed to me in front of my mother and two kids 13 and 15.I was excited. I said yes and started planning a wedding, after a few months the trouble began and we started having problems . My ex husband was always calling and the tension was un real.it wasnt long before my man asked me too leave and said he didnt love me anymore...I dont understand how someone could do that without trying to work it out..he would clam up and sit in his room ,totally ignoring the situation. When i got my income tax check (before this ) he asked me for a thousand dollars for the mortgage payment. I gave it too him, but i was really in no position to do it.The thing was after i gave him the money he went and bought a flat High def tv.I was pissed...I was upset and so he gave me 400.00 back . Then, he asked me too leave a week after that, and said he didnt love me anymore...Help...i am devastated and heartbroke.. I love him very much and want him back...help
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: flablueyes
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 1:49pm
I know you are heartbroken. But don't go into denial. This man is bad news. He's used you, doesn't know how to communicate or deal with issues (read that didn't try to resolve them), asked you for money for one thing and bought another, so that tells me he either used you or he's financially irresponsible.

Focus on this:

I dont understand how someone could do that without trying to work it out..he would clam up and sit in his room ,totally ignoring the situation.

It's not that he never loved you, it's probably more that he was overwhelmed with his own feelings the issues brought up in him. You can't make him want to work it out, you can't make him communicate with you, you can't make him be on the same page as you and want the same things.

You have a lot of grieving to do before you can accept the situation for what it is. That means cry, scream, rage, on paper. Write him a ton of UNSENT letters. Vent away. Tell him how you really feel about him, the situation, what he did (or didn't do) then burn the letter.

Consider short term counseling to help you through the worst of the grief.

Reading material to consider:

Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends, Bruce Fisher

Don’t Call that Man – The Survival Guide to Letting Go – Rhonda Finding

I Used to Miss Him...But My Aim is Improving: Not Your Ordinary Breakup Survival Guide by Alison James

Olive Juice...and Other Thoughts on Love, Heartbreak and Moving Forward by Eric Champnella


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
In reply to: flablueyes
Thu, 05-13-2004 - 5:06pm
Thanks for the advice..I do feel used . I will get some short term counseling if necessary..I just have to let go, and its extremely hard..I had to move away from the area, and stay with my ex husband because of money issues .I dont have any family or friends in fla.I am a mess, but in time i hope i can learn to forget this and move on..thanks.