Heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Heartbroken
2
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:01pm
Please help me! I am a happily married woman for the past 10 years now. My husband is the perfect husband anyone can have, however, I fell in love with another man and started an affair about 2 months ago. I thought it was only physical attraction at first, but now it has turned into more than that. I love him! He tells me he cares about me, however, I don't believe him. He doesn't show it and he seems insensitive at times. He says just because he doesn't show me he cares about me, doesn't mean he doesn't like me. He is also married and has 2 kids. I want to end the affair, but now I am too deep into it. I can't get him out of my mind, I feel sad all the time. I wish I never met him and never got involved with him, but it happened. Love is something people don't have control over. I want to end the affair, but I know if I do, I will forever be depressed and sad. Please help! I don't know what to do. I cry myself to sleep at night. I know it's not fair for my husband either, because he is a good man. I know what I have done is absolutely wrong, but I never anticipated falling in love with another man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: sadgirl37
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 1:37pm
Try posting on the Ending An Affair board here at ivillage for support. Also check out this book: This affair is over!!: Essential reading for any woman involved with a married man by Nanette Miner

You might have to go to the library and read it there so your husband doesn't find it. You need to grieve for the end of the affair - for what might have been, for what could have been, for what you hoped would have been, then put your life back together. Happiness comes from within, not from another person, place or thing. Work on getting the kind of marriage you want with your husband.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2004
In reply to: sadgirl37
Wed, 10-06-2004 - 4:01pm
I'm curious as to why you thought it was ok to have a purly physical affair and now you think it's wrong because you love him? Think about this...if you wouldn't have had the affiar in the first place, you wouldn't have fallen in love with him. Oh well, what's done is done.

I just have a few questions. First where did you meet this guy, and how did the whole affair come about? Where you looking for something? Second, what makes you so depressed when you think about this married man with a family of 2 children being out of your life? I mean, if your husband is so perfect, why can't you be happy with him? And, if you continue the affair, what do you expect to gain? Do you think he will magically fall in love with you and leave his family and convince you to leave yours and then get married and live happily ever after? Well the fact that he's having an affair should let you know that even if that happened there is a chance he'd screw you over and have an affiar with someone else. To me though, it sounds like this is just sex to him...but he "likes" you? Also, either his family or yours is going to find out, and where will that leave you. You might want to just go to a counselor to get over him and to get rid of the depression that is making you not happy with your husband. Because, think of all the people you are hurting. 2 whole families.

Good luck and try to find happiness.