Heinous or Forgivable???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Heinous or Forgivable???
11
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 3:57pm
It was the night of my birthday and I was supposed to start taking my medication, Xanex, earlier that day. I forgot to take it, so I doubled up that night. We went out to dinner and had 3 bottles of champagne and then decided to go to a bar. While we were at dinner, I called the guy that I've been dating bc i wanted him to meet me out. He said that he was going to go running and for me to call when I knew what we were going to do. I called a little while later and no answer, so i left a vm. Then we went to a bar and had a martini and I still had not heard from him, so i kept calling and calling and calling (being a little obsessive) and leaving vm's. I am not normally like this, but since I accidentally mixed the medicine with the alcohol, it made me a little crazy. After we left the bar, we went to his house. I got out of the car and knocked on the door, screaming that he was in there with another girl. I was banging on the door for well over 45 minutes and I knocked on the windows and he still wouldn't answer. Then I did the unthinkable, and decided to wake up his neighbor and ask for a key...The neighbor said that he did not have one, so I called again. Then he finally came to open the door and was pissed off and let me sleep on his couch. The first thing out of his mouth was "I wouldn't have another girl in here"...(I have a trust issue with guys bc of past relationships)...We woke up the next morning and he said that he needed to cool off and kept saying 'i'm really angry still"...Now, I know that how I acted was not right, but I have NEVER acted like that and it's just not me. I did drop off a letter at his house explaining everything and I don't know if I'm going to hear back from him...What does everyone think? Did I just ruin any chance that I had with this great guy?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 4:08pm
What is this...Cosmo?

You "accidentally mixed the medicine with the alcohol"? Sounds like you know very well what you drank, and I don't find that to be an accident! So you hounded this guy because he wouldn't respond to your drunken ravings? Heinous. Get some help for your drinking problem.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 4:08pm
What you did wasn't great....but how you're justifying adn excusing it would have me refusing to associate with you.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 4:09pm
In all honesty I don't blame him and I don't know how you can accidently mix pills and alcohol.

You say you are dating. Are you serious? Does he know that this isn't typical behavior? Are you two committed and know each other well?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 4:28pm
Heinous.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 5:26pm
To answer your questions, we have only been dating for a couple of months AND he knows me well enough to know that I have NEVER acted like that before. I am the first to admit that mixing the alcohol and pill was beyond stupid and I don't need everyone telling me what they think about that. I just wanted opinions about him. I mean, it was my birthday...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 5:34pm
First your actions ARE you. So, going around saying "I don't normally do this" - that's idiotic - take it from someone who's been around the block with that line trying to get my actions dismissed as irrelevant so the consequences of them would not befall me! There's no "normal actions" - there's just actions you take.

You mixed pills and alcohol. Whether you did it intentionally as in you knew perfectly well what you were doing, you wanted the high and you knew or didn't know what actions you took once fully medicated/intoxicated...or whether you live life with your head in the sand and go "occasionally I'm allowed to lose total control of my actions and when that happens don't judge me and don't let the consequences of my actions come down on me becuase I'm entitled to lose control on special occasions and forego responsibility of self"....I really don't care which it is.

It's someone with either one of of those life perceptions and attitudes towards their responsibility for self that would have me disassociating from you.

Put it this way...if he did this to you, would you want to continue dating him?

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 6:04pm
You seem to be pretty hard on this person. Maybe she had never taken that medication before and didn't know how it was going to affect her. I am not making excuses, but people do make mistakes sometimes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 6:16pm
You're not getting the point. If she said to him "I've never taken Xanax before, I mixed it with alcohol. That was totally irresonsible on my part. Please accept an explanation of the condition I was in when I took those actions before making decisions." I'd applaud that approach.

That's her taking responsibility for what she did. That tells him it likely won't happen again because she realizes not taking responsibility for her action is what caused those particular actions to begin with.

But this business of "it was my birthday, i wanted to go out and party, I knew I was taking medication that is a barbituate and I didn't read the warnings, and I knew was getting buzzed (can't tell me otherwise on that) and kept on drinking but overlook it all and everything I did in that state because it doesn't count becuase it was my birthday and I was pretty well plastered." all that tells me is that whenever the mood or event comes along where she doesn't want to deal in reality - she flips her "responsibility for self" switch off for the night and does whatever she wnats and expects other people not to judge her for it, and expects them to overlook however it impacts them as irrelevant because "she was entitled to party".

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 6:24pm
I completely agree with you on that one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-30-2003 - 6:55pm
Isn't Xanex an anxiety drug? If you mixed it with alcohol, that could be why you acted so crazy. Honey, you are too needy and need to let him breath. You are pushing him away everytime you act possessive. I am so sorry for your condition. It is hard to be anxious all the time. People who haven't been in your shoes can't really sympathize with you, they just can't understand. All I can say is you are working with a dificit. If you can possibly get out and find friends and go out and have fun, I would. You have made him your whole life, and when he is not around when you need him, you become so needy. If you are taking medication, you probably have a councelor. good luck

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