help

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
help
9
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 3:28pm

Hi, i am going out for almost two months with this guy. I am 26 he is 49. He made me adore him. He told me he was married but seperated and that his wife lived in another country. I've been to his place many times so I assumed this was true. He told me the only reason he didnt divorse her still is because she loves him too much and does not want to hurt her or her parents or his family if there is not another woman or any other reason. He says he does not have feelings for her any more but he just dont want to hurt her for no reason. He also told me that sometimes she comes in our country and she lives with him but they sleep in different rooms because he has no feelings for her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: kaiti
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 3:45pm

"He told me the only reason he didnt divorse her still is because she loves him too much and does not want to hurt her or her parents or his family

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
In reply to: kaiti
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 3:51pm
so i shouldnt give him the benefit of the doubt? He is saying that if I give him time he will solve this, i.e get a legal divorce because he doesnt love her anyway but he just needs time to think how he will proceed. ThATs why I might think that I am stupid because deep down I believe him.... I am so confused because on every other matter he is perfect to me. Shouldnt I just give him time to decide? I am madly in love with him and I have been dating for a really long time with lots of different men but he is the only one who captured my heart and made me not to want to date other guys. I just need an objective opinion because my emotions might influence me at this time. If i give him time will he not get a divorce in the end?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
In reply to: kaiti
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 4:20pm

kaiti, do you know how many men his age have told women your age "I'll get a divorce, I don't love her anyway"?

Too many to count.

No you should not give him the benefit of the doubt. A man who's really intent on divorcing his wife doesn't keep her in the house so she can come visit from overseas. If you want to take a gigantic risk on this guy then go ahead, but I'm warning you as an objective person who is here because she doesn't want to see you get hurt, many other young women have been in your position and been burned really badly. How can you be "madly in love" with someone after two months. Your emotions are really high right now, and you are right, they are impairing your judgment. I'm glad you wrote in for an objective opinion, I hope other posters will weigh in on your situation.

kaiti, you're only twenty six... I know you feel like you've dated for a long time but you are very young (I'm 28 myself)... There are too many other men on earth to stick with one twice your age who is married.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2011
In reply to: kaiti
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 4:27pm
thank you girl... I can see you are right... I will get over this... I dont need another liar in my life. IF i stay i am only fooling myself..
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: kaiti
Thu, 09-08-2011 - 5:19pm

I agree as a 58 yr old man.

Move on.


Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
In reply to: kaiti
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 12:31am

What do you mean, he MADE you "adore him".

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: kaiti
Fri, 09-09-2011 - 12:30pm

I think it's highly unlikely he will get a divorce because he doesn't need to--think about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
In reply to: kaiti
Sat, 09-10-2011 - 1:12am
Do you know how many married men tell their mistresses they will get a divorce when the time is right? A lot. The question is how long are you going to wait for him to divorce his wife, 6 months, a year, 2 years? Give him an ultimatum. Start divorce proceedings NOW or your walking, See how long he sticks around when given an ultimatum. I think he's WAY too old for you anyhow. Geez he's old enough to be your father,
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
In reply to: kaiti
Sat, 09-10-2011 - 3:42pm

I agree with the other posters.

Tell this guy that he's not to ever contact you again unless he IS divorced. It's as simple as that. Black and white situation. You are not interested. Then go NC (no contact). Don't engage him in any further emotional discussion. You are so much better than that type of situation.

About