HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
HELP!
5
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 3:17pm
i need some help. Ive been with this guy for two years it was our anniversary on the 7th of June. We've had our share of fights believe me. Ive been living with him for a year and a half and ive moved out at least 5 times. But something always brings me back to him. Im 24 and he is my first boyfriend. I fell in love with him from the first time i met him. He had always told me i wasn't his usual type of girl but i never took it to mean something. Anyway We got in a fight the other day over something stupid as usual and he told me he didn;t want to be with me anymore and that he never liked me. Which im not sure i believe that. I need some help because i always said i love you but hes not the type to. Im not sure whats going on in his head. I need some advice i want him to stay with me because i love him and i want to be with him for the rest of my life....how do i get him to realize that i can be what he wants? Pls help????
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: jennboo2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 3:33pm
He told you that you are not his type, he never told you he loved you and he just told you he doesn't like you. I am not sure you are listening to what he is saying (or picking up on what he is not saying). This guy is not for you. 'Mr. Right' will not be someone you break up with several times. Relationships do not work out in the long run unless there is significant improvement and positive change in between break-ups.

'i want him to stay with me because i love him'

But do you want him to stay with you even though he does not love you??? Don't kid yourself by saying 'He isn't the type to say the L word'.

You are caught up in your love with him and not seeing the big picture here. Someday you will meet someone who says 'I love you' and shows it and you will realize that you wasted your time with someone over fear or habit or lack of experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: jennboo2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 6:11pm
If he's telling you something, listen to him.

I know you are hurting and don't want to end the relationship, but please, please don't try to hold on to someone that doesn't want to hold on. He may tell you want you want to hear, but then he will still be unhappy, living a lie and eventually he will leave anyway.

Loving someone isn't about obession, holding on, it's about mutual sharing, respect, trust, attraction, etc.

I wish you the best. Sorry you have to go through this.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
In reply to: jennboo2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 9:46am
thanks, I appreciate that. But i was holding on because i thought he cared and last night it finally hit me. I mean ive been denying it for a while because i didn't want to hurt but i found out that im hurting more now then i would if i had realized it earlier. He used me for two years i think he stopped caring but he needed me for something and thought if i left i wouldn't do it. I know its hard to explain but you get the drift. People on these message boards helped me realize that im worth more than that. There are many fish in the sea and he was only my first catch right???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: jennboo2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 10:08am
Yes there are many more men out there but how will you know you have found one who treats you right? How will you not put yourself in this position again?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
In reply to: jennboo2004
Thu, 06-24-2004 - 11:41am
I've learned my lesson and im not going to rush into things as i did before. Never again i am going to take my time and they are going to have to earn my trust i am not just going to give it away. Like i made the mistake of doing with him...im going to be careful next time...