iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 12:19am
I am not sure if this is the right place to post this but I really need some advice. My SO and I have been dating exclusively for about 8 months. We are very much inlove with eachother. Everything is right between us, we have a great rapport, we have the same values and beliefs, we share some hobbies, we have a great sex life. There is nothing wrong between US. But his kids!!! oh. my. god.

I am 32, I have a 6 year old daughter. She is, and always has been, a very good child. Not the type to throw tantrums or pitch fits. He is 31 and brings 3 boys with him (age 9, 6 and 3). I met them about 4 months into the relationship, they are beautiful children, and in the past few months that I have known them, I have come to care for them a great deal. But the two youngest ones are driving me absolutely to tears when we are all together. The littlest one is a terror! I know he is a toddler and this can be expected, but he is absolutely unruly. He has fits and throws things and hits his brothers (and sometimes my daughter) out of frustration. And an hour later he is a perfect angel again. The 6 year old whines all day about this or that and sometimes lashes out by hitting things or walks away and completely ignores you.

My SO has full custody of his kids, their mom sees them every other weekend and is by her own admission "not a very good mother." She is going through a "selfish" phase and can't handle them. SO suspects, but isn't sure, that she may have abused the two younger ones to some degree.

I am so depressed. I really want things between me and my SO to work out. I love these kids, and they are beginning to see me as a mother figure. I can't possibly imagine our relationship ending because I can't deal with them. But I literally end a day of all of us spending time together completely exhausted and frustrated to the point of crying myself to sleep. My daughter is also exhibiting signs of frustration, particularly towards the youngest child, though she does like him.

We don't live together, but we do have plans to blend our families within the next 6 months to a year. I just don't know if I can live this way, without all my hair falling out and my sanity intact.

I love this man. What can I do to save us?