help

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
help
4
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 11:36am
My marriage is falling apart. The first and foremost problem with it is I have an addiction to marijuana. I like to smoke it, it in my mind helps real my anxiety. I also have depression issues. My hubby knew that I did this and still we got together. I have done it with him bout every six months that we have been together. Been together for almost 9 yrs. He says that I am lazy stupid, retarded, no wonder my family left me and so on. He picks at me and my self esteem so bad that he makes me want to forget by going and using. I've thought bout treatment but I have no one to take care of my children. They are NOT around it at all.
I understand that it is illegal and all but I don't understand why he is so against it all of a sudden. I don't buy it it is giving to me by HIS mother most of the time. So would stop smoking help my marriage and what should I do. Please help I do love him but it is like he is starting to resent me because of it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: big_spin
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 12:43pm

Welcome to the board big-spin,.


It's hard to say why he changed his mind and is no longer ok with you smoking.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: big_spin
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 1:10pm

Not only is the smoking bad for you in general, but it is truly upsetting to hear that his mother supplies this to you. The relationship you describe with your husband is abusive...and the more you smoke the more abusive it becomes. And, as you wisely say, it is a vicious cycle, he abuses you, you lose self esteem and run to the drugs to make yourself feel better.


Firstly, you deeply need to get some good, solid professional therapy or counseling. Even if you feel you can't afford it, there are many clinics, hospitals and universities where they offer lower cost counseling. Find someone good. Get to work on the emotional issues that are going on in your life and your marriage. Once you get clear and begin to feel better about yourself you won't have to run to drugs to hide from the pain you are in. As you grow stronger you will also be able to set boundaries with your husband and realize what kind of relationship is appropriate and how to get the respect you so badly need.


Take care of yourself. Go get professional assistance in a bad situation all around.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2008
In reply to: big_spin
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 3:10pm
Thank you for the advice. I want to go to counseling and get on some meds. My family has problems with anxiety,depression and bi-polar. Almost every women in my family(except me) has tried to commit suicide. They all had their breakdowns late in their 20's. I'm 28 almost 29.I know I need some help and I would love to get it, but I have two problems. He doesn't belive in therapy or pills to make someone's life happier. his quote is "If you don't like your life than get of your @#$ and do something about it". That would be the influence from his mother. So he wouldn't support me in that and also he wouldn't watch our two kids while I went and I have no one else. We are in a really big fight right now but I think I am going to go to the Dr. tomorrow and get on anti depressants. I probably should of a long time ago because two months ago I had a miscarriage which he blames me for as well.
Again thank you for the advice and I am going to look into it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2008
In reply to: big_spin
Thu, 03-27-2008 - 5:17pm

Hi! I have to say your honsety is refreshing...like they say admiting you have a problem is the first step to solving it. I think that you are caught in a vicious circle. You say you are depressed and marijuana is a depressent. It does dull the pain at first, but always leaves you tired and blah. I think that you can stop on your own if you are truely ready to quit. Hell, there are no withdrawl symptoms like the other harder stuff, you just have to replace the need to smoke with something else. i.e. when you feel like smoking, take your kids outside, go on a walk anything to get your mind off the immediate need to do it. You will find that your craving will cease and eventually, it will go away. I am all for counseling and dealing with your problems in that way but I also have a fear that if you say too much you might get yourself into something you can't take back. You say your kids are never around it, and that's good. Some people might overreact to the fact that there are kids involved period. I hope this helps you and good luck...you can do it!