Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Help!
3
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 5:21pm
I'm 19 years old and 2 months pregnant. My boyfriend and I broke up before he went on vacation but he is back now and I had to tell him. He is very supportive and so is the rest of my family and his but his pretty much in shock and we have great long talks lately, he said he can imagine marrying me but doesnt know if his ready and if I'm ready I really need him to be there not only for the baby but me too, because I love him but he insists he is single right now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: jazzyjazz2004
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 5:59pm

I suppose then that you are insisting on keeping this baby, and are not considering abortion or adoption so my reply will be based on that.

Being a father is not synonymous being a husband or boyfriend. If he doesn't want to be with you then he doesn't have to be with you, and if he insists that he is single then he IS single. Because you love him and are pregnant does not mean that he should be forced back into a relationship with you. It's great that he is supportive and hopefully he will be a good father to his child and pay child support. But hon... you can't trap a man into a relationship by getting pregnant. Even if that wasn't your intention, you're doing it now. That's not what love is. I understand that your own family dynamic didn't work out in the best way, but forcing him to stay with you will only cause a lot of resent and stress. You HAVE to be SO careful about birth control, because now you're in quite a bind and it shouldn't have ended up this way.

I don't think it's going to make any difference what happened to your parents. Knowing that your father wants your mother back after making the mistakes he did is not going to persuade your boyfriend into wanting a relationship with you. Your relationship is not your parents' relationship.

Focus on your pregnancy and start building a life for your child to be born into. This guy is not with you, and there is no trick or persuasion that will make him marry you. The right decision for YOU to make is to let him go romantically, keep him involved in your child's life and move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
In reply to: jazzyjazz2004
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 8:41pm
He's scared of commitment because he's young (I'm assuming near your age)! Just because he's going to be a Dad, it doesn't automatically make him grow up and say, "Well, now I'm ready to give my life to someone else and get married." He's not ready for all of that. He's allowed to be single and live his life as long as he takes care of his child. He's not obligated to take care of you. YOU need to take care of you. Hope for the best (that he will be there for you and help you in every way possible). Plan for the worst (that he does not want to be involved with you any more than co-parenting). Either way, if he's taking care of his child, he's perfectly okay to do anything else with his life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: jazzyjazz2004
Mon, 01-07-2008 - 12:04pm

Welcome to the board jazzyjazz2004,


I am sure this is a very stressful time for you right now. However, he is going to do what he wants to do and there isn't much you can do to change that. I am sure he is freaked out by this which is resulting in him wanting to distance himself from it.


Encourage him to be there for your child, but don't tell him he has to be in a relationship with you because at this point that will only push him farther away from you.

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