HELP..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
HELP..
2
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 10:46pm

Hi. Maybe someone can help. I will try to make it short. BF and I together 2 years. Moved in together (his idea) 4 months ago.
He has 14 year old, I have 10 and 8 yr olds. We both work full time. Split chores. Heres the problems 1. he is often in a hideous mood when his son is home which is 75 percent of the time. Mood change is drastic when son is gone.
2. Sex has dropped significantly. He used to want it alot and so did I. Now just I do. He says I want it too much. Rejects me constantly. Is turned off by things I do that never did before. COnstantly says he needs to relax, to wait til later. When he finally comes around, if he does, it's so late (1-2 am)that I'm usually asleep. I will say that when we do have it, usually VERY good.
Affection is also hard to get. He would be fine without any for days.
Problem #3. Division of chores. His chores are : dinner, grocery shopping and yard. Mine- ALL cleaning laundry, and bills.

Well, there is almost no yard work. There is NO grass, very few plants, etc. He might need to water a new tree we got 2-3 times/mos. Dinner...he completely gave up. After weeks of me offering to trade chores or take over half of dinners, and weeks of hotdogs, sandwiches, and take-out, he announced that we will only for himself and his son. Claims it is too hard, because our families like diff. things. Well, he never gave it a chance. Grocery shopping- he barely ever does it. I constantly have to go to the store and get groceries 1-2x/week. I resent doing all my chores, picking up his slack and he criticizes if I don't get mine done. His son is lazy and allowed to be a slob. Me and my kids are gone from 7:30 am til 5 pm every weekday and he goes to work from only about 10am til 3pm every day. SERIOUSLY! I'm sick of coming home and finding him in bed watching TV and nothing done. If he can't do his chores, why can't he clean a dish or pick up his dirty laundry off the floor once in a while?
He has cooked dinner for him and his son once since that stupid announcement. I got into a huge arguement with him tonight. I came home and once again nothing is done. His son has gone to his moms for wkend and he has crap all over the place and my BF never cleans it up or makes his kid do it. I have to remind his kid or do it myself. BF brought home a large 20 inch cup with long 20 inch straw 10 days ago. I left it in the sink, because it is a novelty item that is very difficult to clean and I think he should clean it. When I came home from work today and found it still in the sink, I finally snapped and yelled at him. He gave me crap the other day for not doing a couple of minor chores on time. WHo is he to talk? He wants me to spend 20 extra minutes taking his son to school. Only 10 blocks way. I did it for 2 months and then put my foot down yesterday, because my kids are at school/daycare all day and they don't need to get up 20 minutes earliar so that his kid doesn't have to bike the measly 10 blocks. His son is out of school and home by 3:30. And my BF never almost never gives him a ride to school in am or pm. Maybe 3-4 times total. Also, he has only picked up my kids 2x in 3 months to bring them home early for a break.
Even though he is home by 3 and we live 10 minutes from their school. I am seriously starting to lose respect for this man.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2007
In reply to: boogiebooboo
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 12:10am
Just wanted to confirm that my chores are laundry, bills, and ALL cleaning; bathrooms, kitchen, living room, dining, vaccuming, sweeping, mopping, dusting, etc. This is a constant with 3 kids and no one's help. The kids help a little.
I do all my chores. I'm not a perfect housekeeper, but it is clean. Some clutter, but GUESS WHAT? all the clutter is his stuff. Mine is all put away. Also, he has the whole garage to himself(we agreed that he gets the garage to himself, for working out (which he never does) and his music (which he never does), but he constantly complains about what a mess it is. HELLO! All the crap in there is his. I have had to store my extra stuff under my sons bed and in the hall closet. He tried to tell me tonight that the garage is one of HIS CHORES. And if we trade I have to clean it up. WHat kind of BS logic is that?
I can't imagine that he isn't aware of how lazy he is?
Also, he is actually mad that I stopped driving his kid. Oh and by the way, when I get home from work , he used to ALWAYS claim that he had just gotten home too. Even though I never asked or said anything about what had he been doing. I, all along, have felt that he was lying and that he was just covering for not doing anything, including dinners. Well, yesterday when he got mad about me not driving Anthony, I pointed out that he almost never gets my kids. He then excused this by saying that he is already home most days before 3pm when they get out of school. In one sentence, he admitted that he DOES get home way earliar than me (therefore he's been lying)
AND that he is too lazy to drive from home to their school to let them skip daycare once in a while. Geez, 1x/week would be nice. It's funny, I have never made an issue of this before. I just let it be. But if he is going to complain about what I don't do, then I can too. I guess. How sad that his lazy self is going to destroy this relationship.
He constantly wonders out loud why his son is so lazy...Hmmm...I wonder. No wonder he's divorced.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: boogiebooboo
Sat, 12-01-2007 - 1:36pm

Welcome to the board boogiebooboo,


You said you have been together for 2 years but only living together for 4 months. How soon after you moved in did things change?