help

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
help
12
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 3:54pm
I moved in with my boyfriend who has two young children (ages 9 & 12)He has his children every other day and every other weekend. One month after I moved in, his work schedule changed. He now works late everyday and Saturdays. My kids are grown. I am now responsible for taking care of his kids...taking them to practices, ballgames,etc. the mother of the children will not help with them if it is not her "day" to have them. I love him....I just don't want to go back to taking care of young children.
We have been dating for about a year and a half. I moved in 6 months ago. When we were just dating he always made time for me. It seems like now I am taking care of the kids and he hardly has time to spend with me. Even when it isn't his "day" to have the children he still attends all ballgames etc. the children have (I wouldn't expect him not to)...so even when we should have time alone together..we don't. I feel unfulfilled a lot of the time. He is a very attractive man and I care for him...he has even

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Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sherrit2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 3:58pm
Have you tried discussing this with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
In reply to: sherrit2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 4:01pm
Yes....many, many times. He expresses that he is appreciative of my help and wishes things were different. He then follows up with...this is my life and I can't change it...I have children.
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sherrit2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 4:06pm

Well, he's gonna HAVE to change it if he doesn't have you as his built in babysitter.


If you don't want to care for young children again (and I don't blame you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
In reply to: sherrit2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 4:09pm
Thank you for your reply...this is the same feeling I have about it. It is good to know I am not
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: sherrit2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 4:12pm

Welcome to the board sherrit2007,


It seems to me that if things don't change you are going to become resentful. If you become resentful, there is no hope for the relationship.


Ask him what he would do if he you didn't leave with him and weren't there to help out so much with the children.


But all in all, I have to say I don't think this is the right relationship for you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
In reply to: sherrit2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 4:17pm
Thank you for your reply....yes the resentment is already building.
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sherrit2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 4:17pm

I disagree.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sherrit2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 4:19pm
and I mean I disagree with those who tell you this shouldn't be an issue if you really love him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
In reply to: sherrit2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 4:22pm
The mother of the children is very busy with her career. The stepdad takes care of them on the days the children are with her. The children have made comments about how she is always to busy.....again having raised my own children, I feel compelled to help with homework, ask what they need, etc.
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sherrit2007
Wed, 10-17-2007 - 4:27pm

<>


So basically it's ok for him to insist, but not ok for you to refuse.


I would be very resentful if someone "expected" me to take care of his children.


<<hopefully the overtime will end soon>> - and if it doesn't?

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