help!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2007
help!!
3
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 3:53pm

Ok so, first off im a lesbian... and like about 3 months ago my ex and i broke up, we dated for about 6 months but we had been good friends for about 10 years! when we broke up , she said she felt smothered by me and well, she just wanted time alone with her friends.... we were supposibly "working things out" but I found out she was talking to one of her ex's again.. and then I found out she had another cell phone... with a new service and number...she had a huge lie and story behind it.. which i didnt believe at all.. and so then.. we use to work together, and i went into her locker, got her secret phone seen some disturbing messages with her and her ex boyfriend.. i guess they met up.. to have sex...!! but then after that she kept still trying to talk to me basically was just bouncing back and forth between the 2 of us.. until finally i made her chose.. him or me.. and she said she wasnt going to pick.. and then she said she wasnt giving him up either.. so then we hung out a lil after.. she spent a lot of time with me.. because he would tell her things with them wouldnt work.. and he didnt want a girlfriend like her.. and what not.. but then he would tell her he missed her.. and wanted to see her.. basically play major games with her... one minute he didnt want her the other he wanted her... ( keep in mind, her ex... has 2 kids... hes 37 years old.. she will be 24 this year... BIG age difference!! )so... when he would reject her, there she was.. with me... and that would get to me because i would think.. they were done, for reals.. !!! so finally i told her to pick who she really wanted to work things with.. and she had to THINK ABOUT IT!! she took a minute to think... and said..she didnt want to make the wrong choice.. because if she picked me.. she wouldnt have another chance with him... and if she picked him.. she didnt want to lose me... so she ended up picking him...
and now... its been a while.. and she text messages me here and there.. and calls me once in a while... she buys me things... and tries to meet with me to give them to me.. and its like i dont get her?? im just scared.... if things dont work out with her and the guy.. shes going to want to come back .... what do i do???????

i know people deserve second chances but.. do you think i should give her another? or should i just let her go, completly out of my life? i still care about her. and the scary thing is sometimes i sit and think... i would take her back! after all the hurt, pain and things she put me through!! ( isnt that bad??) but i really love her and care about her!! sooo confused! there are many ways to look at this... dont know... which one...????????




Edited 8/16/2007 10:51 am ET by famous4lyfe
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: famous4lyfe
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 4:24pm

You're playing second fiddle, that's got to be awful. Why would you want to be with someone who isn't enthusiastic about being with you and would rather try to get back together with her loser ex?

You're selling yourself short if you think this girl is the best you can do. You should not give her a second chance, she's disrespected you so badly. No one should have to sit around and wait to see if the person they love is going to get back together with someone else. She sounds like she can't make up her mind at all - Just let her go. I have a feeling she'll be begging you back once you cut her loose but it's unfair to put you through all this crap and you shouldn't put up with it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: famous4lyfe
Wed, 08-15-2007 - 4:26pm

Welcome to the board famous4lyfe,


If she says she wants you back, don't take her back. If you do it will only show that she can continue to bounce back and forth between the two of you with no consequences. She doesn't know what she wants, but she does know that she doesn't want to be alone. So she keeps stringing you (both of you) along. You can't let her continue or it will never end.


Sorry.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2007
In reply to: famous4lyfe
Thu, 08-16-2007 - 12:27pm

thanks for your advice... i have a couple more questions to ask of you...

yesterday she invited me to go with her.. to get her nails done.. and then have dinner after... i hung out with her for about 10 mins.. HE called ... i left... after she hung up with him she called me and asked why i left...n i just told her i would talk to her later.. just basically cut her off...

sucks, i cant just be her friend.. and she doesnt understand that.. i told her there are feelings from my part, and i cant just be friends. impossible.

so i figure if i dont answer her calls or respond to her in anyway shape or form, she will soon take a hint.. and i'll be much better emotionally... my next issue is... say.. in ... 1 year or after time... things with her and him dont work.. and she happens to try to return to me... say im single at that time... and i still feel this way for her.. what should i do then? just let it be... and dont accept her ? i have forgiven her already for all she's caused me... just sucks she had to do that to me.