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| Wed, 03-28-2007 - 4:03pm |
Without going into alot of detail...
I live with my husband and his mother. My husband has 2 daughters who live with us occasionally. And I have two daughters who are with us during summers and school breaks.
In my husband's eyes, I am the least important of all the females in his life. We have a huge problem going on with his 17 year old at the current time. He will take his mother's advice and allow his daughter to do whatever she wants. (He admits I am right, but won't get in the middle -his words). Am I wrong in believing that since I am his wife, he should be supporting me? Instead of trying to make 'no waves' with his mother and daughter?
I live with my husband and his mother. My husband has 2 daughters who live with us occasionally. And I have two daughters who are with us during summers and school breaks.
In my husband's eyes, I am the least important of all the females in his life. We have a huge problem going on with his 17 year old at the current time. He will take his mother's advice and allow his daughter to do whatever she wants. (He admits I am right, but won't get in the middle -his words). Am I wrong in believing that since I am his wife, he should be supporting me? Instead of trying to make 'no waves' with his mother and daughter?

Welcome to the board fp-kimberlyrae,
Without knowing many details I can't really say if your husband should be supporting you over his mother or daughter. However, that is not to say that your husband shouldn't be supporting you but it really depends on the circumstances. Parents should always support their children, within reason, of course.
Could you give us some examples of what is going on?
glitter-graphics.com
My husband has 2 daughters, 23 & 17. At different times, both girls have lived with us, but when they don’t like our rules they move back to their mother’s home. Last yr, his ex moved to NY for work. Both girls moved into her rented house. The 24 yr old was doing great at our house. Working two jobs, paying off her bills, not going out til all hours of the night, etc. She is 24k in debt and has a 450 credit score. I have been trying to teach her the importance of credit and how to take care of herself. Their mother has taught them very bad habits. She herself has had 3 cars repossessed, caused my husband to file bankruptcy cause she ran up all credit cards without his knowledge. She is the woman who uses men to support her and has told her daughter numerous times to find a rich man. We live close to Palm Beach, Florida. Their mother just decided she wasn’t going to pay rent on her house here anymore since she isn’t living here. Now, the 24 year old has no money saved and no car (she had hers repossessed also) and doesn’t understand why we won’t just hand her money. The 17 year old dropped out of school with her mother’s permission. When she lived with us, she saved up 2k towards a car and was home schooling. Now, she used all her money (we have drug tested her with multiple positive results) and is living back in our house. She refuses to work. She bought two puppies without permission. When she mentioned she was moving back in, we told her she couldn’t bring her puppies. I went to her mother’s house when they were moving out. They had chewed up the walls and went to the bathroom all over the place. She hardly spent time with them. I found a bag of poop in her dresser drawer cause she is too lazy to clean up after them and throw it away!! We have two small puppies of our own that we are training. I did not want 2 more that I would end up taking care of. Well anyway, her bedroom set was juvenile, so I went out and spent $1500 on a new set for her. Repainted her whole room and fixed it all up with new shade/curtains, comforter set, etc. I knew I wouldn’t get a thank you, but that was ok. I felt good doing it. Move in day….she brings the two puppies. I told her no – they couldn’t be here. My husband said they could stay outside on the covered patio. Well, this turned into her bringing them into the house and into her room. There is poop all over that she won’t clean. She lets them in the backyard and they destroyed over $150 worth of plants. My husband finally took one to the pound. Turns out, it was a friend’s of daughter’s and this girls mom wouldn’t let her have the puppy in her house. So Tiff brought it to ours. Tiff yells at our puppies and let’s her puppies terrorize ours. We have Chihuahuas. She has Pitt Bulls. My husband doesn’t want to get in the middle anymore. She won’t listen to me. What do I do? I can’t handle the amount of anger I have inside. I am going to explode. She leaves the puppy unsupervised all day and night. My puppies howl and bark all the time now.
To complicate the situation more – my husband’s mother lives in our house, too. I can’t do anything without her commenting negatively. From decorating, cooking, gardens….
Most times I don’t let her bother me. But now she is sticking her nose into all this, when she was against Tiff bringing the puppies to begin with too. She changed her mind too, because no one in this house wants to be the ‘bad guy’. I feel as if I am the least important of the females in my husband’s life. Does he take me for granted because I cause the least amount of problems? If I try to discuss something, his anger gets directed at me, not at the person who it should be directed at.
By the way, I have two daughters also. They go to school up north and will be home soon for spring break and then summer. He has no problem disciplining my daughters, just his.
Is it wrong for me to expect him to uphold the rules that we discussed and set forth? Is it wrong that I feel that I am least important to him? Shouldn’t I be first?
All weekend I sat in my bedroom not being able to bear the thought of seeing his mother and listening to her comments or seeing what disaster Tiff’s puppies were allowed to do next. I tried discussing it again Monday with my husband to no avail. I told him I would need to leave then if he wouldn’t do anything. He didn’t say a word. So I left and moved into a hotel.
I am being stupid, aren’t I? I love him and I know he loves me, but there is something seriously wrong here.
I am discussing same situatin with step--parent board asking for help with the kids, but I need help here with my husband and how he treats me and how I feel.
I just feel he should be respectful of my feelings and abide by his original decisions. His D has done nothing to earn the right to keep the puppy nor has she shown the maturity needed to raise a puppy.
Sorry - was trying to be short :-)
Wow, I can see why you feel upset about the way your house is being run. You have every right to be upset. Your husband needs to set boundaries with his dauthers.
He probably does take you for granted since you don't cause him any problems. Have you told him exactly what you want/need from him? Maybe he is just so stressed with his daugthers and mother living with you that he doesn't know what to do anymore and had just given up. Would he be willing to go to marriage counseling with you if needed?
glitter-graphics.com
"Do u think anything else will work?" Well, I am not trying to be rude when I say this, but how about kicking his daughter out or making her go live with her mom. At
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