help ... 4 yr old relationship broken

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
help ... 4 yr old relationship broken
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 12:17am

Im a 46 yr old guy , she's 44. I have issues because my dad was never in my life receiving love. She had family abuse and a alcoholic ex that emotionally abused her, told her she was worthless. Also she has ADHD, and fibromyalgia. We've had communication issues all along. Tough to solve problems because any stress causes fibromyalgia to flare up. Made it tough for me to express my feelings. I hurt her by saying her place was cluttered, she thinks I'm trying to mold her into something different, I fell in love with her for who she is. We broke up a couple times over stupid things, always talking her into working on us. We agreed to counseling but before we went I hurt her again when I got frustrated over bad communication and broke up stupidly. She's devistated. I know she loves me still but says she needs time and space. I've quit the emails/texting all the time as I realize it only pushed her away more. After 5 weeks we did meet and were really civil a couple days in a row. We were both out of town this weekend Seperately and I asked her if I could contact her when I got back, she said sure. What should I be doing ? Being friends and nurture when she'll allow, let her come to me to talk? No contact at all? I'm lost and want her back, I've told her I want marriage and she's is all I think about

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 6:42pm

From your point of view, I think this is bad.  People on spiritual journeys usually don't take anyone else with them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 5:11am

TW, I understand you wanting marriage - but please don't marry this woman.  You say that you stupidly broke up over bad communication.   I can only respond that breaking up over bad communication is WISE.  Poor communication is one of the best reasons of all to end things.  Getting back together with someone who you already know you can't communicate with would be a very poor decision.

When we choose a life partner, we need to choose someone with whom we have easy and good communication - not to mention a stable relationship.    An on again/off again, poor communication relationship does not have what it takes to survive the long term.

The best advice I can give you is to end things properly and do 'no contact' while you get over her.