HELP! Am I too jealous?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
HELP! Am I too jealous?
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 10:45am
I dated this guy for 1 1/2 years but over time, I've become increasingly unhappy. I'm 29, he's 27. He accuses me of being overly jealous and insecure. He keeps in touch with his ex- and disregards how this bothers me. (They dated for 1 year, but have kept in touch for 3 years.)

When I met him, he and his ex talked on the phone 4X/week and did favors for each other but he assured me they were just friends. When she was in the west coast, he suggested visiting friends there, but at the last minute, he told me we'd be staying with her. He ignored my request to stay elsewhere and we stayed there 1 night. She was throwing a party but got mad at him because we went to dinner, got there later, and he missed meeting her friends. (She threw a crying fit to him behind closed doors). He was also mad at me for me choosing a restaurant that was far away, for which I treated him!

Over time, he claimed to have reduced his communication with her to 1X/week, and more recently said he wouldnt return her calls because it bothers me. Ok, I thought, finally he's making an effort and acknowledging how I feel. Then, she moved to the area. Then, he said he was annoyed he couldnt talk to her, and told his friends that I wouldn't let him talk to her. He said I needed counseling therapy because I'm so jealous and controlling. Turning off his phone while he is with me doesnt help, so I've asked him to turn it on only to find out she still calls him.

I have even stooped so low that I've checked his email a couple of times on my computer. I'm not like this with anyone, nor have been!! I've found a birthday card from his ex calling him by her pet name. On his cell phone, he has his pet name from when they dated. In his room, he has stuffed animals and decorations that she gave him. A few days ago, I found an email 2 months old where he complained to her of the "paranoia" he has to deal with me, attaching an email conversation he and I had! He told her he was sick and tired of the situation. I am disgusted by his hypocritical attitude while he's trashing me behind my back to her and his friends. I confronted him about it and he totally denied it, that he would never say that about me! I just couldnt believe it! I feel that I can't trust him at all anymore. Then, he said to stop reading his email, and that "he pities my insecurity." That makes me feel so low.

Recently, we were planning a vacation, and he blurted that he should call his ex's father to get ideas on where to stay. I got so mad!

Do you see something going on between them? Am I jealous and insecure or is he making me this way? Is he just ignoring how I feel? Is he playing mind games, or am I to blame too? This is such a constant annoyance. I'm not happy because I dont like who I'm becoming.

Edited 6/2/2003 10:55:51 AM ET by capr25663

Edited 6/2/2003 11:33:07 AM ET by capr25663