help, anyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2008
help, anyone.
2
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 3:24pm

So... my guy and I have been together for over two years now. And although I don't want to end our relationship, I feel as though I am at wits end. We grew up together in the sense, that he lived two blocks away and we went to the same elementary school... but we didn't start talking till high school. I was the smart, shy girl who seldom dated anyone and hardly had a bad reputation at all... He was the druggie, hardly ever showed up careless guy at school. We met once my soph. year and his junior year, and although we met once, I felt something very special. It just so happened the next year we had two classes together, and as I was dating a few other people, we never faltered to flirt and he even asked me out a couple of times, but I turned him down. He dropped out five months later, and I thought I would never see him again... sad, and secretly in love with him, I dated someone else. Six months later I get a phone call from a random number, and it was him. We agreed to meet, he had no clue I was seeing anyone, but I kept telling myself, your just friends, you have a good thing don't mess it up. Our first outing we went to his house and watched a movie, he laid his head on my lap... second date, we kissed. I knew what I did was wrong, but he entrapped me.... I couldn't get enough... I eventually ended things with the other guy and continued to see this guy. He never asked me to be his girl, it was just understood between us... we hung out, partied too much and had a fun summer. He cheated that summer with a friend... a week later he told me he loved me and a week after that he told me what happened. He begged and pleaded me to come back. and foolish to some, I did. At summer's end, he eventually quit using drugs and went back to school as a first year college student. I went back to high school to finish my senior year. Weekends came back and parties kept calling. Time flew, we had sex, see each of us had hardly dated before and we were each others first. It was amazing. We quit partying he finished some school and Christmas came... sex became the new form of communication between the two of us... i brok up with him and a week later we got back together. time after that was pure and elegant bliss... we were young and in love, nothing could touch us. may came, I was going to graduate, we dropped acid, and fell beneath the stars to the beautiful words of Jim Morrison waiting for the sun album. we danced and laughed and f_edour brains out... we took up bike riding that summer and I began to die on the inside. I had started taking bc pills for awhile, but the hormones f_ed me up... after cutting those pills out of my life, my emotions went haywire. I accused him of cheating, and bitched and moaned and cried my eyes out. In November we broke up, he kissed another girl, scratch that, she kissed him... same thing right? I cried and cried and almost died. I even went to a priest praying and begging for god to bring him back to me.... We got back together a week later.......time after that it took me awhile to trust him but I eventually did.....

which leaves me here, now with this confusing situation...
sorry for the long history, but I need good advice... well thought out advice.

my bf is in a difficult line of work that requires him to be on call a lot.
which makes me feel left out and angry because he cant always be with me or anything. and lately i just feel disconnected from him.

see my bf has what i think to be, are feeling of distrust in relationships and commitment. his parents had one of the worst divorces heard of in our city, when he was young, but old enough to understand what was going on... and hes like his father, really smart, easy to anger....

he came up to me a week ago asking if we were meant to be. i said yes, and he proceeded to tell me we have nothing in common and we dont talk anymore... im quiet so not talking is not unusual... and he feels like he wasn't ready for a long term relationship when i came along. he feels like he isn't made for marriage or commitment.. that hes so lucky to have me and im the only reason why hes not a loser, and that soooo on and so forth... we didn't break up but ever since i just have been confused. that night confused me, i thought we were doing great then he threw this on me... i almost broke up with him a few nights after that and he begged me not to leave. he says he loves me and wants to be with me but if he wasn't with me, he would never get married, im the only girl to ever make him want to settle down and it scares him........

im hurt and confused and so afraid im going to lose him... im sorry so much detail is left out but im at work and i wanted to write more it s just hard... any advice at all is greatly appreciated..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 07-31-2008 - 8:09pm

Welcome to the board spicylatina007,


When you are having fun and good sex, it is hard to see what other areas may not be compatible for a long-term committed relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2008
Fri, 08-01-2008 - 6:18pm
Hey,
I'm sorry to hear you are in this crazy situation.
I honestly think there's too much drama in your relationship.
When it comes to me I have drama and try to stay away from it as much as possible b/c it drags me down. I think your guy is confused as much as you are. Girl, open up your eyes, if the guy cheated on u once and then twice...why the heck are you still with him? I wouldn't go back to something like that. That already sets me off. I would move on and find someone who knows what he wants and won't cheat. I hate when guys do that. if he loves you as much as he says, he wouldn't have done what he did. That was seriously messed up. Sit down and think about it for a second. Put everything aside and think logically and in realistically not in a fantasy world. if it helps, make a list of pros and cons about this guy. And compare the columns. Okay, he's cute, the sex is good yada yada; think about the important things. Think for yourself. Future wise. It's prob not the same relationship as it was in the beginning. He prob changed. not for the good but prob bad. Just don't be blind. Open up your eyes. Please start cleaning up your act. no more pills, or things like that. It's not needed. i bet it's not like you to so something like this because of the guy. I hope things go well for you an you make the RIGHT decision. Good luck