help - depressed and alone
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help - depressed and alone
| Sat, 08-14-2004 - 10:34am |
My husband came back from a business trip last night and announced that he wants a trial separation. We've had some problems - I have an anxiety disorder, and it's made me a control freak. I know I've treated him badly in the past, but unfortunately, I've only recently discovered it (therapy has helped) - but he says he doesn't really care anymore. However, he says he is willing to try and rebuild the relationship, and help care for our 17-month-old, which means a hotel nearby, picking daughter up from daycare some nights, talking to me on the phone, going to counseling, etc. I don't have many friends in the area - and I'm so hurt, embarassed (I feel this is all my fault), guilty (I've failed my daughter by destroying this relationship), ashamed, that I'm not sure I could talk to my friends anyway. If we can somehow work this out, I don't want friends or family to know this happened, or have any negative feelings towards him. That leaves me feeling very alone.
I don't know that I need advice - although feel free to offer it. I know what I need to do - give him space, try to start fresh, etc etc. I just need someone I can talk to, someone who won't judge him or me, just listen. Please, a friendly ear and encouraging word would be so appreciated. You can reply here or email me directly at physics_gal@hotmail.com.

Sorry you have to go through this.
Reading material:
Should I stay or Go: How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage, Lee Raffel and Jean Jouston
Carrie
hi and huge hugs!
I applaud you for taking the steps necessary to get your health back on track. I know its hard, for a person with anxiety disorder, to follow the rule of "take it one day at a time" because your thoughts are going toward the future, and asking the "what if" and "what will happen" questions. (I know, because my ex suffered from anxiety issues). but - that is the way to go.
I know its hard because you have to do two major things at once - get well, and deal with your marriage. The best advice I can give you is for you to focus on yourself FIRST. it sounds to me like your husband is totally there for you, and seems to want to work on your relationship. but - no matter WHAT happens in the future, right now, its important that you focus on yourself, get well, go to therapy, take meds, etc. in addition, with your therapist's blessing, you might want to look into some alternative methods of stress-reduction such as exercise, yoga, etc.
I know its hard to believe - but there are people in your life who do care for you, and there is really no need to be embarresed about anything. its not your "fault" that you are not well, and you ARE taking the responsibility to get better - this is something you should be PROUD and not embarrsed about.
good luck to you.