Help! Don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2007
Help! Don't know what to do
5
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 2:02am
Ok so here is my problem, I met a guy about 3 1/2 months ago in my home town.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 5:38am

I'm really sorry Kiki, but this doesn't look good. Over the course of three and a half months, you met this guy, saw him a few times, and otherwise have had what amounts to a long distance relationship. You don't really know each other as you would if you'd been together in real life several times a week during that time. Nevertheless, he has told you he loves you, that he wants to start a family with you, and that he wants the two of you to move in together--in other words, this relationship is going WAY too fast.

It is common for hot-burning relationships--even the most sincere--to burn out after a few months, as one or the other begins to realize the long-term consequences of things said in the heat of passion. I think that's what is happening here.

I know it hurts, but please don't call him anymore--just hold your head up and proceed with your public life as you did before you met him (in private, you can cry into your pillow and eat a quart of mint chocolate chip ice cream, if you want to). If he wants to contact you, he knows how.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 7:11am
I agree with geoteo. I think the reality of having moved this "relationship" WAY too quickly is finally catching up to him. He should be freaked out. Making promises to move in together, get married and have a family after three and a half months is scary and does not indicate a healthy secure couple. Stop calling him, you'll feel better about yourself if you can let him go.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 10:29am

Welcome to the board Kiki,


The relationship moved too quickly. The best thing to do at this point is stop calling him. I know that will be hard, but the more you try and contact him

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 1:23pm

Welcome to the board kiki511,


Unfortunately, if he's not returning your calls, there isn't much you can do to get the answer you feel you need.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 10-18-2007 - 5:34pm

Don't chase him. It sounds as though he is unstable and also not in touch with his feelings. If he is in touch with his feelings, then he's not willing to share them with you. Neither of these cases is good.


Unless both people want to move forward in a relationship and are willing to work through hard times and obstacles together, there is not a basis for a strong foundation to build upon. Don't assume this is your fault or that you did anything wrong. Clearly, he has some kind of fear or problem, that he may or may not be aware of. But it's nothing you did. If it were, and if this was a healthy situation, the two of you would just talk it over and work things out. That is what happens in all healthy relationships. People get upset, but they face it and work it through. The fact that he is just running away, shows that he just may not be ready for a relationship at all. He is certainly not someone you can trust with your feelings.


Best wishes,