Help! Don't know what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Help! Don't know what to do
5
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 2:10pm

I'm having a hard time dealing with a break up.
My boyfriend (ex, i suppose now) is still living with me and my family, though he is moving out in a few days. We'd been having a lot of problems and trying to talk them through and work them out. Then, it all came to a head and we agreed on a break and then a few days after agreeing to the break, my guy told me he wants to see someone else. THeres a lot of issues we have, and Trust is the main issue. Neither one of us trusted the other, even though we gave no cause for that. I recognize that I have a lot of issues as well, trust and self-esteem being the main ones. He says that he will always be there for me as a friend and I believe that. But I'm worried about what happens if the other girl becomes serious. We were at one point engaged to be married. I still love him, but letting go is not an easy thing to do.
Do i give him his space and let things go and he may come back to me or should I table this relationship into the "friends" category and leave it there?
Help, Please

-Heartbroken-

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 2:39pm

Welcome to the board rhapzody,


Sorry you are going through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 2:53pm
Thanks for those.
It is a very weird situation. He moved here for me, and has been living with us for about the past year. He doesn't really have another place to go, though as I said he is moving out in a few days.
It seems i've been doing some of the "classic" things we do when going through this. Its hard not to. I guess its always heartening to see that im not the only one who is going through, or has been through, this.
I really want things to work out and I'm doing the best I can to keep my chin up through this. I don't like the idea of him seeing another girl, but I told him I would respect his decision. He also asked for time to not see him when he moves out. I understand and respect that decision to. I'm working really hard to ease up on jealousy, mistrust, all those key issues.
For a few months we had a really good thing going, and then it began to sour and we started to have more and more fights over really small issues. Is there a way that in time (which feels like it will be an eternity) we can work this through and maybe get back together? I feel that for him to have asked me to marry him, and for me to have accepted, we had a real good love. Can that be lost in a matter of days, so it seems? I am also worried about how he will react if I do indeed let go and move on. what if he sees this as an ok to completely break things off and see other girls? Its all really hard to think about, and I really do still love him. SO all this gettin gover it, and moving on? Not so easy...
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 3:14pm

No, getting over a relationship and moving on isn't easy, but it IS what you have to do. He has told you that it's over and that he wants to date another girl. Believe him and start moving on - if he changes his mind and comes back around, then he should have to win you back - don't wait for him, you will just be wasting your life instead of living it! Go out and socialize with friends, set yourself some goals that have nothing to do with boyfriends - working towards something will take your mind off things and will focus your energy and attention in a positive way. Accept that it is over and you can start to heal.

Hang in there - it does get easier!

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 3:48pm
If you broke up and he tells you that he wants to be friends with you then table it as friends only. The sooner you fully accept that the sooner you'll have dealt with the grief. It doesn't look like he wants to or is working on your romantic relationship anymore. Sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-11-2007 - 4:01pm
Moving foward isn't easy.... but I want you to think of the future for a moment.