Help! I dont know what to do!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2010
Help! I dont know what to do!!!
3
Sun, 06-26-2011 - 2:49pm

okay so my boyfriend and i have been together for a year. we were talking about gettting engaged, and even started going to marriage counseling with his pastor.he has spent the night over my house EVERYDAY since december.of course there were arguments, and a coupe of one-day seperations, that was fine. then all of a sudden we broke up last week because he said he couldn't "deal with my problems because he has his own." which i also understand. i did in fact start complaining a lot and acting very needy towards him. whenever we broke up he NEVER deleted me off his facebook or our pictures or changed his relationship status, but this time he did so i thought for sure we were over. the next day he comes over and apologizes to me and tells me he loves me and all of that. it's been a couple of days now but he still hasn't added me on his facebook or put in a relationshipand when i asked him about it he said it's not that serious and we both should have our own privacy and i shouldn't overreact. i'm just really confused because he's back to talking about spending our lives together, but now he never really wants to stay the night anymore or let me stay at his house which he shares with his sister, her boyfriend ans her children. im not sure for a fact, but i do know his sister and she would NEVER tolerate him having other females over so i dont think that's why he doesnt want me there anymore. i really need some advice on how to react to this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 06-26-2011 - 5:46pm

Hi Kaydee, I can see why you're confused.

Thing is, if a couple breaks up and makes up, the relationship will stay bad unless they fix the problems which caused the breakup in the first place.

In your case, he's mentioned that he didn't want to

Avatar for khatru1
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 9:25am

Since when did Facebook become the official relationship status indicator for society? Anyway he has obviously reached his limit on whatever behaviors he does like about you. It's a big step backward to go from staying over all the time, to not at all anymore. Just remember anyone can say anything , its the actions that count. He tells you he loves you, blah blah blah, but his actions are remaining single on Facebook, and not wanting to spend nights with you anymore. What does that tell you?

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 3:15pm

What you said:

- together for a year with one day separations

- in marriage counseling

- BF says he loves me but has not added you back on Facebook

- BF wants his privacy and does not want to stay the night anymore after spending every night with him for 7 months

Question:

- What do you talk about and work on in marriage counseling?

Observations:

- Not knowing anything about you and from what you said here, my guess is that you are needy if you are worried about his Facebook status and cannot having him step away for a while

- My view is that a year is still a short time for a life long committment so I think it is wise for him to step away