Help! I live with an annoying husband!
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Help! I live with an annoying husband!
| Wed, 10-13-2004 - 10:33am |
I have lived with my husband for 7 years and we've been married for 4. Most of the time I have a generally

sounds like your husband is 10 years old again. The old case of the boy chasing and picking on the little girl and teasing her bc he has a crush on her, you knwo what i mean?
see if you can stand it to just laugh at him when he does these things... then tease him back. maybe he's trying to be playful with you.
next time he blasts rap music in the house go pull the plug on the stereo... look him straight in the eye... glare... and say "oh.. didnt mean to interrupt your homeboy time... but just wanted to let you know that i put $350 of makeup on the credit card..." then walk away.
play along with it, keep a straight face bc when he comes after you yelling and going nuts... say "pretty annoying huh?"
maybe he'll get the hint as well as appreciate your sense of humor?
Thanks for the advice, Sara! I've been trying to find "good" and "positive" ways to deal with his little annoyances, but I've come up with nothing that has worked so far. I haven't yet tried playing along. It's not going to be easy considering that some things he will do just to annoy me aren't good for his health or well-being! That's I think where I need to draw the line.
He will also be annoying when we're arguing, too. I think he truly thinks he's the expert of annoyance.
We'll be arguing and I tend to walk away, leave a room, shut the door when I need time to clear my head, but what he will do is open the door, be in my face, and not leave me alone to my thoughts. When I tell him I need some space, he tells me I'm being too sensitive and such.
I have been told that I live with an emotionally abusive man and I can see that sometimes, but like I said in my first post, I have a generally happy marriage. I have few complaints otherwise. Maybe I'm just blind and numb to what's really happening around me!
it may seem that he's emotionally abusive... but dont try and force that opinion if you didnt already feel that way before your freinds told you that. if you dont think its that major... then dont make it major.
my H is kinda the same way too. in a way... he's just a bully and tyrant about the same things your husband is. really.. he DOES do things on purpose when i ask him not to... picks on me and teases me in front of poeple but if i do it to him he goes balistic saying i "pushed his buttons" bla bla bla. you know?
but i get around that by just fighting fire with water, the SUGGESTED way when you look at the guidelines. dig deep. ask yourself why you think he's behaving like a little boy. why does he feel the need to annoy you? does he resent you? does he feel he has lack of control in the relationship? is he trying to extend his "power" to make you realize he wears the pants??? is he exercising his "manliness"?
Don't Sweat the Small Stuff - In Love, Richard Carlson PhD and Kristine Carlson
Till Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First) A Step-by-Step Guide to Marital Conflicts, Jamie Turndorf
Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
No Visible Wounds: Identifying Nonphysical Abuse of Women by Their Men by Mary Susan
Healing the Scars of Emotional Abuse -- Gregory L. Jantz
In addition, I would recommend you 'pick your battles' - while he may be abusive - the music since it's deliberate. I wonder about the scenario about eating the meat - I mean that makes you look controlling to tell him he can't have it (I won't get into the health issues here) but if you ignore him, does it change the outcome?
Also consider couple's counseling to air out the issues in front of a neutral third party.
My best to you.
Carrie
i'm sorry but these two examples do not point to an emotionally abusive husband at all! ok, he does sound like a BABY, but not abusive.i 'm sorry - but your husband is right and he IS ALLOWED to eat whatever he wants, just as you are allowed to eat what ever YOU want. he is not your child, if he wants to eat raw meat and suffer whatever consequences - let him. instead of fighting with him over these things - just ignore him. he will stop...same with the music.
now - i think that you two should get into counseling -because obviously you are talking but he isn't listening, and its possible that there are things that YOU do that annoy the heck outta him.
good luck