Help, I need advice!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Help, I need advice!!
7
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 3:54pm
discussion title: Help I need advice!!

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message #: 1545.1

from: irish_maiden

date: 11:06 am

replies: 1

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I need help with something.

I have a boyfriend but another guy kissed me. We were at a club and I had had alot tp drink when one of his friends told me that my boyfriend had been cheating on me with his ex and that he was going around telling people that i wasn't his girlfriend, just someone to have sex with till he got back with his ex. I started to cry, because I've fallen in love with him and one of my friends, trying to cheer me up, and asked me to dance. Before the night was over, he kissed me, and i didn't pull away right away, but i did stop the kiss. It wasn't even a real kiss, it was like a peck. The next day, I talked to my boyfriend and he told me everything that his friend had said was a lie, that he would never cheat on me and that he loved me. I don't know what to believe, I don't want to lose him, but the guilt of having had another guy kiss me it eating at me. Should I tell him and risk losing him, or keep it from him, because at the time i was under the impression he had cheated on me?



iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 2:28pm
Tell him, especially if it's the same friend that made up the stories about your boyfriend and his ex.... something like, I have tell you something, the other night when I heard all those things about you, so-and-so took advantage of me and kissed me, I stopped it immediately, but I feel bad and I'm angry at the guy for lying to me about you and trying to take advantage of me. Better he hears it from you than from the guy.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 10:31pm
Thanks for replying, i should give more info. The guy that kissed me and the guy that told me the stories were two diff people. I don't even think the guy that kissed me knows my bf, but he knew i had one. Should i still tell him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 2:55am
I wish i was in your situation! Im telling you right now that two wrongs dont make a right. so even if your bf did do what ppl said he did you should have confrented him about it and not gotten all tipsy. from my point aview its not your fault that the guy kissed you. and if you didnt kiss back then your bf should have no reason to be mad. and answer me this question. " if it was your bf that did this and not you would you want him to tell you or keep it from you ?" i think we both know the answer to that one. see a relation ship is based on trust and if you dont tell your bf its like you dont trust him to believe that it wasnt your fault. well good luck and remember he 3 words to tell him " i love you " and " im sorry" i hope i helped you.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 8:42am

There's no reason at all to have so much guilt about a "peck" or even a kiss. You were not unfaithful to your boyfriend. In addition to that, you heard terrible news about him and were drinking, so the little kiss was probably a way of reclaiming your good feelings about yourself. No need to say anything about this. Also, I would spend time really finding out more about what the friend said. In order to feel safe, respected and loved in this relationship, you should find out why he would say such a thing. Why would he lie to you? This is not a matter of distrusting your boyfriend, but making sure that you are in a relationship which is truly honest and ultimately supportive for you. Sometimes when we feel cheated on, we do strange things to get back or to feel good once again. You don't want this scenario to happen again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 7:23pm
Thanks for replying. I already did what you said to do, I talked to him about it, and asked the question of why his friend would say these things if they weren't true and my bf said that the reason he said them was that his friend doesn't think he's ready for a relationship. 8 months ago, he got out of a 4 year relationship. He said he's ready for a new relationship, and I believe him. I've fallen for him, and he's told me he loves me. I just don't want his friends telling me anymore lies. Any ideas on how to politly tell them to piss off and leave us alone?

Mariah

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 04-21-2004 - 2:13pm
Politely but firmly - whatever they say - thank you for your concern, however our relationship is not open for discussion or debate. Then change the subject.

You may have to repeat it often or sound like a broken record.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2004
Thu, 04-22-2004 - 8:25pm
Thanks, i'll give that a try