Help! I want him back!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Help! I want him back!
5
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 6:51pm
My ex-boyfriend and I were together 8 months. The last two, his depression got the best of him and it started affecting me. Long story short, we broke up. We are friends... but the truth is I want him back. I do not know how to approach the topic or maybe win him over. I just overall do not know what to do. Please... HELP!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 10:59pm
It sounds like you have a good chance at getting back together with your bf. I don't know the details, other than that he was depressed. However, I would think that if you just kept it light hearted and sort of accidently kissed, or touched, or made inuendos/jokes about getting back together, it might help. For example, "I'd settle for a guy that's...", whatever he's like, maybe short, furry and funny. You get the idea. Sometimes you just have to flirt. Since he sounds like a serious person, you don't want to seem flippant, but you'll probably have to help liven things up. Usually, when you're with another person, it just helps to go with the flow, but have a rudder. What I mean is, you send his vibes back to him, revised. It's hard to define, but it's like letting your best show through, your unique personality. Good eye contact is crucial, also. They say that normal, steady eye contact is two seconds. If it's longer than that it indicates romantic interest, they say. So it's a good way to communicate and find out where you stand without risking too much, I think. Best wishes! Have fun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 11:02pm
If you want him back....email him or better yet call him. Tell him that you are thinking of him, and that you want to get together to talk. Tell him that you miss him, and see what he says. If you are really meant to be maybe he'll feel the same, men don't admit stuff right away but he's probably feeling the same way. Me and my ex-boyfriend have broken up back in January. This is the advice my best friends gave me. You don't want to blurt out that you want him back...don't seem too desperate. I hope you two get back together...hopefully he's got his depression under control. Best Wishes!!



blondebeauty03

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 12:35pm
Has he gotten help yet? Does he feel better? Has he improved? If not, don't be in too big a hurry to get back with him or you will find yourself in the same position as before.

Reading material to consider if things haven't changed:

What to Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed, Mitch Golant, Susan K. Golant

I Don't Want to Talk about It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression, by Terrence Real

If things have changed, talk to him.


Carrie

Avatar for beautneon
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Sat, 04-17-2004 - 1:05pm
I suffer from depression and so does my on/off man. It's very hard for a person who does not actually have clinical depression to understand it. People seem to think that you can just "snap out of it" or get out and do something, etc etc..but depression can be crippling and depending on the situation may take a lot for a person to rise out of. I'm not saying it can't happen or it won't in your man's situation. My point is just give him time, space but still be there for him. Let him know how much you care and that you understand he needs to work thru some issues. Let him know that there is no pressure from you and if there is anyway you can help him you will all he needs to do is ask. As I said I suffer from depression and so does the man I love. Things have been really hard because when he is depressed he retreats into a shell and shuts down..which in turn depresses me because I feel that I did something wrong or that things are over etc. It's an awful rollercoaster of emotions. So many people have told me..give him up...you deserve better but again I see this as people who cannot understand why he does what he does. I guess I forgive so much because I am in the same boat. We break up and get back together. He has a lot of issues in his life that he still is learning to cope with...(cheating soon to be ex in jail...again!..his kids back in his house...the things the ex put him thru...and still tries to do to him...are unbelievable). I know Im rambling here but what I mean to say is give him space but also security..if you really love him and know he loves you too...don't give up....and if you feel he would accept the idea w/o being insulted suggest couneling to him if he is not already in it....believe me it helps. Good luck and while you are waiting for him make sure you have your own support system to lean on
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 4:35am

hi. i understand you want to be back together with him, you probably miss him and the "good times". but i was wondering - why did you break up? has he been dealing with HIS issues (depression)?