HELP!!! I want to trust my man again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2004
HELP!!! I want to trust my man again!
1
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:08am
I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year now. We started out as "friends with benefits." He dated 2 other women last year while he was with me, but he didn't sleep with them. After we were together for a year, he finally said we were a "couple." Two weeks later we went to a happy hour because I was leaving my job to start a new one and a woman gave him her number as we left the bar. Of course, I did not see this happen. Over the next week, he was not himself. He was acting like he did when he was dating the other two women last year. Distant and cranky. So, I was at his house for lunch on a Friday - I went into his room and his calendar had the word "date" written down for the next night (Saturday). I looked at his answering machine and he had one message, so I played it. Of course, my suspicions were right...there was a woman on the phone named Teresa. So, I said nothing and of course, the next night he was no where to be found. When he finally called at 1 a.m. I asked him where he was and he said he went out with his friend. I told him to please tell me the truth, so he did. He told me how he met her and he went to the same bar and he was bored. He said he was sorry (of course) and it wouldn't happen again. So, I decided to forgive him and stay with him. Two weeks later - he was acting the same way. So, I went in his room again. Checked his messages and there she was again. This time, I told him I heard the message and I wanted to know what was happening. He made plans to go away for a weekend with her, but he didn't go. Now, I am trying AGAIN to trust him. Over the past two weeks he has been better. But I keep thinking...when will he do it again? I am sure it won't be with her, as I erased her message and he never called her to tell her he couldn't go away...which I am sure she was not happy about. But, I know there will be another one...so my question is should I stay or leave? I love him, but I cannot handle the distrust. HELP!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 10:31am
Leave him

NOW!

He confessed to you that he went on a date with another woman, and he said he was sorry it wouldn't happen again BUT then a couple of weeks later he makes plans to go out of town with the woman.

He does NOT Respect your feelings or your relationship. It sounds like he's going to do what he wants to do, when he wants to, regardless of what you say. But since you have caught him 2 times, he is just more likely going to start hiding it better.

You said he never called the other woman to cancel the weekend trip - how do you know? were you with you 24 hours a day? He could have easily called her, said he had to work or had a family emergency, and is still keeping her on the sidelines.

Your bf sounds like a player. It took him a whole year to say you were finally a couple! Why would you put up with this behavior???????????