HELP Intimacy Problems!!
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HELP Intimacy Problems!!
| Wed, 12-05-2007 - 11:33am |
How does 2 people that have a fear of intimacy create intimacy? How can we move from surface conversations like how was your day to more thought deep intimate ones. And once you ask the questions or attempt to start the conversation what do you do if the person is not really receptive? He has a even deeper fear of intimacy than me if thats even possible. (mines comes from being molested as a child. I don't know what his stems from) We have been seeing and talking to each other for 3 months but never even kissed we both are scared to death to do so. We both look at each other like we want to but then look away both scared to make the move. I tried dating others but that is just transferring the same issues to another relationship besides when i am out with others I only think about him. If at all possible I rather work through it with this one and if it doesn't work I at least know that. I have been with other guys in the past but never any relationships it was only about sex and ended rather quickly do to my self sabotage and never ever thought about the future, but with this guy i want something deeper like I think about him coming home to me us waking up together laughing together cooking for each other having fun. I have never felt these things for any other man.I have known him for 10 years but only recently decided to try and pursue something. I honestly believe that if I get the ball rolling he would jump on board and we will be great together. He is a 41 year old bachelor never been married works a ton like 80 hours a week to avoid getting close to someone he is extremely inexperienced in relationships as I am. Is there hope for us? What can we do

Welcome to the board taz_jiggy,
It's admirable that you want to work through this with him, but he has to want the same thing. In addition to being emotionally unavailable, his schedule makes him pretty much unavailable physically as well.
Is counseling an option for you?
While you aren't married, consider this book:
Love in the Present Tense: How to Have a High Intimacy, Low Maintenance Marriage, by Morrie and Arleah Shechtman
These two as well:
Welcome to the board taz_jiggy,
Maybe you could just kiss him and see what happens from there. Other than that is it up to both of you to individual work on your intimacy issues.
Best of luck to you.
glitter-graphics.com
Consider this also:
Fear of Intimacy
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22868.1&ctx=4096