Help, Involves Children
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| Tue, 07-10-2007 - 3:35pm |
I have been with my bf for several months now going on one year. He has two children and for personal reasons, I wont get into the issue. I have come to love these children and have fully accepted them. I have also cared for them while my bf is away, often more often than he is able to due to expected circumstances. His wife and him are currently in the process of a divorce. Unexpectedly, she took the children somewhere else and my bf was devastated for awhile, slowly healing. He is out of town and we made all these plans for him to take this time and make the best of it.
My bf and I have Never had any time to ourselves. I knew what I was getting into and I accepted that. However, I am feeling hurt and confused. We made near future plans, all of which I became excited about. Yes, I too, miss the kids deeply and I know he longs to have them back. However, abrubtly, without any discussion, he informed me that he made arrangements to have the children come back with him. I know this is something that he wants and it was in his control of whether to say yes or no. I feel selfish thinking like this. I just found out he will be getting them back and I'm happy for him, but at the same time I feel hurt and confused. I feel as though I lost a part of our relationship and the excitement in all these things were were going to do...just the two of us and I feel like that's all ended ad we will be going back to a normal routine of staying at home most of the time. On the same token, I feel that he will expect me to care for these children again as I did before they were taken from their home. I'm not sure I want to be a full-time babysitter anymore. I know that sounds harsh, but I feel like I'm trading in all the time we had together for that. Also, I feel as though I wasn't a part of his decision when he made it to get the children back. I realize they are not my children and I still love and care for them, but after being their caretaker for so long while he was away, part of me feels like I should have been included in this decision...especially if he still expects me to watch them when he's away. Am I wrong for feeling like this or expecting that? Yes, I realize his children come first and I certainly would never do anything to keep him away from them. I just want to talk to him about this. I've kept it bottled up inside and I feel as though I wont be able to handle the normal routine of us never being able to go out or spend any time together, especially since this is the first time ever, I had something to look forward to in our relationship....Then, boom, it's over just like that. He didn't have to tell me we wouldn't be able to do all these things we planned. I just know the answer. Our plans excited me so much. Even though I want nothing than for him to be with his kids, I do feel excluded and it's hard....Any thoughts? Please don't think me horrible...

Welcome to the board jennyroll007 -
I don't think you are selfish.