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| Thu, 04-12-2007 - 4:01am |
Hes flying out to China on the 15th (my birthday) :( im moree upset then id thought id be....this isnt fair...last year it was office workload till 6pm on a saturday which wasnt a working day, the year before he spent then entire party at moms on his cell and was too cranky to stand by me while the cake was cut, we argued all the way back home...this year chine...im getting heartbroken waiting for him to do somethinhg special when i do it for him every year (candle lit dinner...massages ..present hunts) ....i spend the entire night crying...i dont even want him to do aNYTHING NOW......i almost dont WANT to care now....maybe these things will mean lesser with time....
I had my cousins wedding dates at the end of march changed cuz he had a trip to singapore that he said was V V Imp to his career and not going would have definate setbacks and then his cousins wedding fell on those dates...NO MATTTER wat he say about budgeting at office ...i know he stayed back cuz he knew his mother wanted him to attend that wedding....and its something he'll NEVER admit to like a 100 other things he just doesnt mention and cover up now. even 3 week earlier he had been dropping hints that he might not go cuz he didnt feel like...(DIDNT FEEL LIKE)....if he hadnt cancelled that he cud have cancelled this one for me...
I dont know if i have the right to b angry but im exploding inside....u cant imagine how hurt im feeling...im not stopping him or mad at him as such ...just mega upset....last night i just wantde to smash everything in sight...im sick of him always covering up someting...not speaking plainly......my honestly makes NO difference. i cudnt breath ...i just wanted to get away from him and the house at 2 am......i didnt know where to direct my emotions.........id rather pretend this isnt april after all
I had my cousins wedding dates at the end of march changed cuz he had a trip to singapore that he said was V V Imp to his career and not going would have definate setbacks and then his cousins wedding fell on those dates...NO MATTTER wat he say about budgeting at office ...i know he stayed back cuz he knew his mother wanted him to attend that wedding....and its something he'll NEVER admit to like a 100 other things he just doesnt mention and cover up now. even 3 week earlier he had been dropping hints that he might not go cuz he didnt feel like...(DIDNT FEEL LIKE)....if he hadnt cancelled that he cud have cancelled this one for me...
I dont know if i have the right to b angry but im exploding inside....u cant imagine how hurt im feeling...im not stopping him or mad at him as such ...just mega upset....last night i just wantde to smash everything in sight...im sick of him always covering up someting...not speaking plainly......my honestly makes NO difference. i cudnt breath ...i just wanted to get away from him and the house at 2 am......i didnt know where to direct my emotions.........id rather pretend this isnt april after all

It sounds as though you've been dealing with a man who is not considerate of you, and have been bottling up your hurt, anger and resentment. So, it's all coming out now.
The bigger question here is why have you stayed around this long and put up with this? It sounds as though you've been catering to him in the hopes that he would feel the same way about you, and return the favor, give back to you in ways that mattered. And he hasn't.
It's time to face the reality of what's truly going on in this relationship. Rather than blaming him, take a good look at yourself and ask yourself why you've stayed this long? Take a look at building up your own self esteem and feelings of worthiness. When you respect yourself and like yourself, then it's much easier to attract a partner who treats you wonderfully. Good feelings about yourself don't come from your partner, they have to originate in yourself first.
Do work on yourself. Build up your self esteem, and personal life. Get some counseling if need be. Begin to feel really good about yourself and you'll be able to make choices about this relationship
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