HELP ME!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
HELP ME!
2
Tue, 09-21-2004 - 5:19pm
I don't even know where to begin. Everything was going so incredibly well and then all of a sudden, out of NOWHERE, he dropped this bombshell on me and now I feel like the ground has just crumbled beneath my feet. I can barely stand and I'm so extremely depressed, I NEED HELP!!

I have been dating exclusively the same man for nine months. It all started last December, and everything was fine until April when he broke up with me once. We had a huge fight and it ended. Well, three weeks after he broke it off with me, he came crawling back & I let him back into my life. Everything was great until I moved away for 3 months and we did long distance. Well, I didn't it, so in August, I broke it off with him. I felt that during the distance, I didn't know him, and I decided I didn't want that. But i knew that in the following month of September,I'd be moving back to where he was to go back to school. When I got back, he started calling again, and I missed him, so i decided to go on one date with him. It was SO EASY and I missed him SO MUCH, and it was just incredible getting back together...more incredible than in the past.

That was two weeks ago...for two weeks, it was SO PERFECT. And its not like it was a new relationship because I had been pretty much with him the whole time. When he and I kissed for the first time this time, it was magical...I literally almost cried...I felt like he and I were in the same place. a week after we got back together, we got drunk one night and he told me this: "I'm falling in love with you, and I missed you every day that you were gone and there's no one else that I want or would want, you are the one I want." Mind you, he was drunk, so I didn't think anything of it at all. And he nor i ever brought it up after that. But after this incident, he started calling me his girlfriend again in front of his friends, which I thought was unusual because when I broke up with him in August, I took that away...but I didn't think anything of it.

Then three nights ago, it was my best friend's 21st birthday, so I went out to help him celebrate. He had something else to go to that night too, so we both decided that we'd meet up after. Well, i had a couple of drinks and when he and I met up (he was sober) I stupidly said, "I want to be your girlfriend, I want you to be my boyfriend." He said, "ok". and I thought nothing of it. when he and I woke up the next morning, everythign was completely normal. We even had even more special close moments that even scared me, but made me so happy because I knew we were doing so well. he even said that he wanted to take me to a romantic dressup dinner in the following two days.

Then, two days later as I'm getting excited about this "dinner" (this is last night), he calls and says that he's been thinking about us. Then it happens. He CALLS and says that he's not ready to give me the boyfriend/girlfriend term and that he wants to be free adn that he wants me to be free. I can't even comprehend this because a week prior to this, he was calling me that to his friends, and now its all changed? Then, he says that he feels like he's going to hurt me. He said that in the past, whenever he's felt this way about a girl, he's always cheated on her, and that he wants to break up with me now to "protect" me and to save me the pain later. So I asked if there was someone else or if he did something, and he says, "there's other people I'm interested in dating right now." I CANT UNDERSTAND THIS!!! one week hes "i love you, i want to be with you, i miss you, my girlfriend," and now he's "i don't want to even be around you or talk to you, i want you out of my life."

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY PAINFUL. I can't even tell you the Hell i've been going thru...i can't sleep because all i think about are these other people he wants to see instead of me. everything was sooo great...there were absolutely no red flags. And he called me on the phone because he was too much of a coward to look me in the face?? I couldn't even get out of bed this morning...another thing, after he told me this on the phone, and as I was crying, he hung up on me because he couldn't listen to me cry anymore...but i wasn't going to let him go without telling him I loved him, so i called him and told him that.

I don't know how to get over this. i keep having this hope that he'll call me and come back, but i know thats so stupid and naiive. But he did last time...he hasn't called since I told him I love him and I'm thinking that he's wanting to be with someone else. How can someone go from one emotion to the next so quickly?? I did nothing...I didn't want to go back to him two weeks ago, and even though its only been two weeks, I am so devastated. Can anyone think of anything that I can do? I'd like to hit him, but I don't think that's too constructive.

I need your prayers and positive thoughts...thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: mn0883
Wed, 09-22-2004 - 3:30pm
You are NOT LESS THAN because of his actions, choices, words, decisions or behavior. I wish the best for you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
In reply to: mn0883
Thu, 09-23-2004 - 12:57am
I know this all too well. I also had a 'great' boyfriend that moved the sun and the moon for me. He made me know what it felt like to be a woman when I was still but a girl. He was cool, sexy, intelligent, and extremely witty. Sex was perfect, and we could make love for hours into the morning - every night. I loved him so much. It was shortly after I moved in with him that I discovered that he was screwing this other woman he knew while I was in class who was 5 years older than me and dumb as a stump. It broke my heart, and I knew I was surely going to die. I cried, screamed, begged, threatened, and made a complete ass of myself in the process of trying to 'win' back his affections (it certainly wasn't love).

The way your man behaves towards you is out of your control. What IS in your control is the way to behave towards him. Don't give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt you. Trust me, your self-respect will be of much greater value to you in the years to come if he stays away. It will be of much greater value to him if he returns. Best of luck.