Help me before I nag again!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2012
Help me before I nag again!!!
67
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 7:48pm

I never imaged myself as the nagging wife, that's not what I wanted to be, but it seems lately that's what I've become. My husband and I have been married just over three years and as far as our love and connection that's still great. We both deeply love each other, but it's just I feel like I'm in a parent/child relationship more than a marriage to an ADULT sometimes.

He works part time and I work full time, although I do work from home so I'm able to do things a little easier here. I'm the ONLY one who cooks because he says he can't cook and that he'd burn the house down so he isn't even willing to try. Fine, whatever if you won't cook you should at least help me around the house. Every few weeks on a weekend if I corner him and force him he will help me do a pretty good cleaning, but the problem is the commen since stuff. He comes home and throws his coat on the couch, he finishes a snack and leaves the trash laying on the nightstand in our bedroom. Instead of taking out the trash he'll overflow it to where it's literally laying all over the floor. He'll have the day off while I'm working all day and the dishes in the sink will still be there that night. He'll wear the same dirty socks for a month without changng because he's too lazy to do it.....sadly I'm serious about that last one.

He spends all night and day playing video games, playing around online, and watching tv and/or reading. Once about every six months he'll do something without asking like the dishes or sweep or something, but then thinks that's his free pass to say "See, I help out, I just did the dishes and you act like I never do anything"

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 9:12pm

No, of course you're not expecting too much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2012
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 9:35pm

I get what you're saying and yes I can see how it looks, but we do have a really amazing love and NO I'm not just making excuses for him. We tell each other constantly how much we love each other, our sex life is still great. He loves to cuddle and just watch a good movie with me, we laugh constantly. When we go out and have date nights they are great, he loves hanging out with my family and taking part in family/friend events. Yes, his gaming and computer use is quite annoying. It's almost like a drug for him if he doesn't check his e-mail every five seconds he's going nuts, but that's when we're home. He's more than willing to leave the house and be together and he's fine when we're out, but you can bet when we hit that front door he's to the computer in under a minute. lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 9:42pm

Wantingtobehappy, I know you want to change his laziness, but the fact is you can't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2012
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 9:57pm

He's desperately searching for a full time job, just hasn't found one yet. I'd LOVE to have a house cleaner because honestly I hate cleaning as much as he does, difference is I know it has to get done so I do it and don't whine. That would help us tremendously, but wouldn't solve the entire problem. I said I wanted to change his laziness, but honestly that's not what it is. He can be lazy all he wants and I'm "mostly" fine with it. It's his selfishness and self-centered ways that I really want to change or at least improve. I just want him to put someone elses needs above his own once in a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 10:25pm

Ok, just to make sure I understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2012
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 11:04pm

We don't have a spare bed at the moment, but do have a spare bedroom. My intent is to get one set up soon because like you I think that would be the perfect solution. He, however, HATES it!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 11:43pm

Did you know NOTHING about him before you married him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2011
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 12:57am

Hello,

I will tell you what worked or kind of worked for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 4:19am

Kjp, that was a great training technique for my Poodle!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 02-05-2012 - 9:55am

Somewhere online there is a website with step-by-step instructions for getting your husband to do ALL the housework. I wish I could remember the URL. The main instruction is like yours--praise, praise, praise--but it suggests that each nugget of praise be accompanied by a pat on the privates. I haven't had any reason to try it out, but it sounds as if it might be effective.

Okay, here it is:

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