HELP ME PLEASE!
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| Mon, 07-12-2004 - 4:04pm |
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years now. We're both 19, he's in first year
university and I'm going to start university in September. We're a good couple.. we have
plenty of fights and don't agree on a bunch of things, but we always talk it out and make it better. It's been a good 2 years, and I guess we both see ourselves together in the future. However, lately I've been having so many doubts. I don't know why.. every fight we have nowadays makes me cry. He lives an hour away due to school, and so we see eachother on the weekends only. I guess I look forward to our time together and I build it up in my mind, and when something goes wrong I get very upset. There's a lot of little things that bug me about him. He's pretty irresponsible; he rarely goes to class and does his homework, but he gets by in school. He stays up all night and sleeps in late in the day, when I wnat to do something. He's not very romantic, and I guess we've gotten too comfortable together. He says he's very busy right now and I understand that. But I don't know.. I've never doubted our future so much. If his irresponsibility and laziness carry on into our adult life, I don't want to worry about everything myself. Paying bills, cleaning, doing the groceries... the way he is now he'll never do any of that.
I'm getting ahead of myself.. that's not even my problem. I'm working right now, to make
money for university. There's this guy at work... this has not happened to me ever while
with someone. I have a huge crush on this guy. And it seems he likes me too. We flirt
and we hang out (with a group of friends), but I'm finding it harder and harder to resist
him. I would never cheat on my boyfriend. But I just don't know.. should I give this
time and let it pass? Maybe it's just an infatuation? Maybe it's just because I'm
finally getting attention from a guy, since my bf doesn't really do that anymore? Or are all these things combined telling me that I need to end it? We've been together so long, it just seems like my world would fall apart without him. I've been so sure that we're
meant to be.. but we're still so young. WHAT SHOULD I DO!? Should I talk to my bf about
this? Should I wait it out? Am I limiting myself? Or am I just freaking out because
we're going through a rough patch? PLEASE HELP ME :( This crush has been going on for about a week only... but it's getting worse. HELP.
Sorry about the long post.
- Alex

And see what he says.
Carrie
It doesn't take a "rocket scientist" to figure out the fact that you're not very happy with your current b/f, living arrangement and life in general.
At 19...you should be experiencing all sorts of phases...not the one you're locked into.
If your current b/f upsets you now...what do you think is gonna happen if the 2 of you decided to get married? And even worse...what if YOU or HE cheated?
How about finding your own place (perhaps with a girlfriend) and give yourself some breathing room? Your crush on the new man could be a reflex action...or it might be more serious than you think? But at the moment...you can't explore either possibility because you're involved a committed relationship with somebody else.
Ask yourself one question....can you be a grown-up woman at 19 and survive on your own? Or do you need to have a man around to complete your life? If you can arrive at an honest answer, I'll bet you'll know what the next step in your "life journey" will be? GOOD LUCK!
Pianoguy
Can you imagine what this will be like if you are living with or near him?
'Maybe it's just an infatuation?'
Does it matter what you call it? You are atrtacted to someone and it is affecting you. It wouldn't if you were happy with your boyfriend and satisfied in the relationship. Do you really want to stay with your boyfriend or is it just a habit/you want to be in a relationship and aren't looking at the big picture?
C
I guess the general consensus is that I should follow what I'm feeling because I'm still young and I can't possibly know what my future holds just yet.
My biggest fear though, is that if I break up with my bf and then perhaps go for this crush of mine, I'll realize it was the biggest mistake of my life. What if this is just a phase? I just don't get why it's becoming so hard to control. I know I made the relationship sound pretty bad but it's also amazing. We just have our ups and downs... and it's been a fairly long down lately. But we've gotten through rough stuff before. ARGH! This is strange and depressing. Thank you all very much.
Carrie
How can it be a mistake when yo uaren't happy, you spend a lot of time fighting and crying and yo uare attractd to someone else? Regardless of having another guy waiting in the wings, this isn't the long term relationship for you.