Help Meee

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
Help Meee
13
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 12:43pm

ok...so..here it goes...this is probably going to be long but i'm definately in need of help.


My boyfriend and I have been together for about 9 months now. I love him to death but he has huge problems with cleaning up after himself. Before we moved

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
In reply to: mommy_to_be_26
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 4:34pm
Why is this even a question?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-1999
In reply to: mommy_to_be_26
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 5:04pm
I would tell him in no uncertain terms that if he wants to be with you he has to treat you how you think is only fair. That is he can not expect you to do all the housework when you are working as many hours as him. He has to share the work equally with you and make a genuine effort to pick up after himself. He will not say mean negative things to you when you are suffering from morning sickness. Add whatever other contingencies you feel are fair. Then be prepared to follow through and start packing up your stuff if he says he doesn't agree to your terms or if he doesn't follow through on doing those things.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
In reply to: mommy_to_be_26
Tue, 05-20-2008 - 8:13pm
Don't let your feelings for him get in the way of you seeing what is right and wrong. A guy that truly loves you and wants you for his own would NEVER make rude comments, refuse to be of help, or complain while you are wish his child. Are you sure he's not just using you? Do you really want to be stuck with his crap (excuse me) for the rest of your days? It's going to get seriously worse when you have the baby. Think of your current work load tripled, your wallet size fourthed, and sleeping? forget it!

 

Tricia

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
In reply to: mommy_to_be_26
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 7:21am

I'm going to get flamed for this, but honestly, if I were you I would get an abortion and get rid of the loser you're living with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: mommy_to_be_26
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 12:24pm

It's sad... But I have to agree with ivdarian. I have NO IDEA why you are having this baby. If an abortion is not a choice for you, what about adoption?

He obviously doesn't want it.
Yet your handle here is "mommy to be".
I hate to sound presumptuous but I want to ask, was this pregnancy a mistake?

It's your responsibility as a future parent to have children with men who AREN'T losers.I'm really sorry hon because I feel sorry for your situation but I do not think you should have/keep this baby. Or this man. Find a GOOD man who will want to take care of you and a baby before you become a mom.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: mommy_to_be_26
Wed, 05-21-2008 - 4:18pm

Welcome to the board mommy_to_be_26,


::Several times my dad has been to the house and told me if I ever need help him and my mom are there.


Please take your parents up on their offer.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: mommy_to_be_26
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 10:56am

I didn't read any email from you prior to this one, but from this one I gather that you are pregnant and not with a partner you choose to be with or happy with.


I beg to differ from the other response I read. No one has the right to tell you to have an abortion. You are carrying a child now and this huge decision is up to you and no one else. Yes, there are consequences of having a child without the right husband, but there are also consequences of having an abortion. If you titled your posting "mother to be", it sounds to me as though this is meaningful and important to you. I deeply urge you to get professional counseling on all kinds of possibilities for your life, ones you can live with and feel good about yourself.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: mommy_to_be_26
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 12:40pm
I'm not sure where I "told" her to get an abortion. Please point it out to me ma'am.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: mommy_to_be_26
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 1:26pm

Hey eggbertshootsfire,


I think Dr S meant to reply to the OP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: mommy_to_be_26
Thu, 05-22-2008 - 1:43pm

I offered a suggestion to adopt because I agreed that having the baby did not seem like a good idea considering the father, who is hardly ever considered on a board frequented by women. I agree that birth control is extremely important, and this guy is a loser she should get rid of. I also agree that I would be having an abortion or giving the child up for adoption IF it were happening to me.

These are ideas anyone would get from a planned parenthood or other clinic upon having an "accidental" pregnancy. Talking about other options is normal, and the father to be is clearly not happy with the situation so maybe I want to know what decision has been made, by who, and why. Abortion and adoption are real, widely considered alternatives to a pregnancy that wasn't planned or wanted by both parents, and a lot of other women in this situation would be considering them. She never came out and said "I'm against abortion" so I just threw the idea out there. I'm not sure why this is controversial - This isn't an abortion debate. I do think that if she's against abortion, she should think about adoption. I'm just not sure why she's having and keeping this baby in light of the circumstances, because I think that a bad and unsupportive father is every reason to think of alternatives.




Edited 5/22/2008 1:46 pm ET by eggbertshootsfire

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